IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth
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Whether some areas take old
people
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 seriously because of the
experience
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.
Although
Linking Words
 other places concentrate on a creative atmosphere, so young
people
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 are more essential,
this
Linking Words
 writer believes that youth is more meaningful for the modern age. It must be considered that old
people
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 are critical because they have a lot of knowledge. They spend much time of their life on their work so can can gain lots of
experience
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. Compared to younger
people
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 which already graduated,
it is clear that
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 older have tried and failed many times and can learn from their mistakes
while
Linking Words
 younger do not have practical
experience
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, so they can make mistakes and will not work better than old
people
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. Take hospital Vinmec as
example
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an example
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, every year they ignore more than 80% of new doctors who do not have enough
experience
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.
However
Linking Words
, in some workplaces, they need youngsters because of their creative energy. Opposite of the careful energy but obsolete from older
people
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, youngsters have a modern point of view, they more creative day by day. In some occupations about
the
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apply
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content or fashion, they do not need to the careful, they need something breakout because it makes
the
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them
show examples
 unique and makes
the
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apply
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society modern. Every year, Google fires more than 45% of its staff because they do not have
some
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apply
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new ideas or projects. In conclusion, older
people
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 may be important in some jobs like doctors or teachers because of their
experience
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, but
this
Linking Words
 writer believes that society needs breakout ideas from youngsters for the modern future.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction provides a good overview of the topic, but it could be improved by offering a clearer thesis statement that more directly states your position.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your main points with more nuanced examples and elaborations to fully illustrate your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is supported by specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay and make the relationship between ideas clearer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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