In some places old age is valued, while in other culture youth is considered more importance. Discuss both views and give you opinion.
Some
areas the elderly Change preposition
In some
is
appreciated Correct subject-verb agreement
are
whereas
the
others believe that adolescents are the need of cities. Correct article usage
apply
However
, from prior experience, it is more beneficial to choose young people due to
the creative
and the Replace the word
creativity
full
of energy Correct word choice
apply
from
the youth, despite those who believe more Change preposition
apply
experiences
in Fix the agreement mistake
experience
job
Add an article
the job
a job
from
Change preposition
apply
the
old age.
It must be understood that the creativity of young Correct article usage
apply
persons
is the main determinant factor to the development of cities. Replace the word
people
This
is due to
the products or the ideas in the society. With this
in mind, new ideas which suitable
Add a missing verb
are suitable
with
Change preposition
for
the
society are Correct article usage
apply
help
people Wrong verb form
helping
is
more convenient and Correct subject-verb agreement
are
save in
Wrong verb form
saving
time
. For instance
, automatic machines are the
devices which help citizen with saving their Correct article usage
apply
time
and improving
the Wrong verb form
improve
exactly
Change the word
exact
in
Change preposition
apply
job
or Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
process
. Fix the agreement mistake
processes
Thus
, juveniles will be a rich a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
sources
of Fix the agreement mistake
source
the
improvement in countries in the future.
Correct article usage
apply
However
, some people think that adulthood
have more personal knowledge which will have to help Replace the word
adults
a lots
of things in the company. Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
This
is a belief that adulthood
have methods which help companies complete in a short Replace the word
adults
time
without waste of
their Wrong verb form
wasting
time
. There are right
to a certain extent, but these things can be solved by Fix the agreement mistake
rights
the
machines or Correct article usage
apply
the
careful investigation before doing missions.
From Correct article usage
apply
this
writer’s experience, teenagers are a good age at being enthusiastic in job
. It can be recognized that citizens Add an article
the job
a job
work
almost a day or bring heavy things. Moreover
, they gain knowledge about technology in a short time
and can work
easily with high tech
devices. Add a hyphen
high-tech
For instance
, American
have to Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
work
nearly 12 hours in
each day and they must Change preposition
apply
to
Change the verb form
apply
work
at home to complete their job
. Hence
, this
writer totally agree
Change the verb form
agrees
with
teenagers Change preposition
that
is
more crucial than senior citizens.
Clearly, Correct subject-verb agreement
are
this
essay has shown that the main factors which impact on
the development of the cities Change preposition
apply
is
juveniles by Change the verb form
are
the
Change the word
their
creative
, enthusiasm and Replace the word
creativity
the
knowledge of technology. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, senior citizens have more experieces
from their working Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
time
.Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to better outline your main points. This will make the logic and flow of your ideas more apparent.
Task Achievement
Include a balanced discussion of both views before providing your opinion. This ensures that the essay fully responds to all parts of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion more thoroughly to provide a clear overview of your essay’s main points and a concise summary at the end.
Task Achievement
Use specific real-world examples to illustrate your points. While you've included examples, they could be refined and provided with more context or data to bolster your arguments.
General Advice
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing. Frequent errors can distract from your message and reduce the essay's overall effectiveness.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example