In some places old age is valued, while in other culture youth is considered more importance. Discuss both views and give you opinion.
Some
areas the elderly Change preposition
In some
is
appreciated Correct subject-verb agreement
are
whereas
Linking Words
the
others believe that adolescents are the need of cities. Correct article usage
apply
However
, from prior experience, it is more beneficial to choose young people Linking Words
due to
the Linking Words
creative
and the Replace the word
creativity
full
of energy Correct word choice
apply
from
the youth, despite those who believe more Change preposition
apply
experiences
in Fix the agreement mistake
experience
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
a job
from
Change preposition
apply
the
old age.
It must be understood that the creativity of young Correct article usage
apply
persons
is the main determinant factor to the development of cities. Replace the word
people
This
is Linking Words
due to
the products or the ideas in the society. With Linking Words
this
in mind, new ideas which Linking Words
suitable
Add a missing verb
are suitable
with
Change preposition
for
the
society are Correct article usage
apply
help
people Wrong verb form
helping
is
more convenient and Correct subject-verb agreement
are
save in
Wrong verb form
saving
time
. Use synonyms
For instance
, automatic machines are Linking Words
the
devices which help citizen with saving their Correct article usage
apply
time
and Use synonyms
improving
the Wrong verb form
improve
exactly
Change the word
exact
in
Change preposition
apply
Use synonyms
job
or Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
process
. Fix the agreement mistake
processes
Thus
, juveniles will be a rich Linking Words
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
sources
of Fix the agreement mistake
source
the
improvement in countries in the future.
Correct article usage
apply
However
, some people think that Linking Words
adulthood
have more personal knowledge which will have to help Replace the word
adults
a lots
of things in the company. Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
This
is a belief that Linking Words
adulthood
have methods which help companies complete in a short Replace the word
adults
time
without Use synonyms
waste of
their Wrong verb form
wasting
time
. There are Use synonyms
right
to a certain extent, but these things can be solved by Fix the agreement mistake
rights
the
machines or Correct article usage
apply
the
careful investigation before doing missions.
From Correct article usage
apply
this
writer’s experience, teenagers are a good age at being enthusiastic in Linking Words
Use synonyms
job
. It can be recognized that citizens Add an article
the job
a job
work
almost a day or bring heavy things. Use synonyms
Moreover
, they gain knowledge about technology in a short Linking Words
time
and can Use synonyms
work
easily with Use synonyms
high tech
devices. Add a hyphen
high-tech
For instance
, Linking Words
American
have to Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
work
nearly 12 hours Use synonyms
in
each day and they must Change preposition
apply
to
Change the verb form
apply
work
at home to complete their Use synonyms
job
. Use synonyms
Hence
, Linking Words
this
writer totally Linking Words
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
with
teenagers Change preposition
that
is
more crucial than senior citizens.
Clearly, Correct subject-verb agreement
are
this
essay has shown that the main factors which impact Linking Words
on
the development of the cities Change preposition
apply
is
juveniles by Change the verb form
are
the
Change the word
their
creative
, enthusiasm and Replace the word
creativity
the
knowledge of technology. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, senior citizens have more Linking Words
experieces
from their working Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
time
.Use synonyms
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to better outline your main points. This will make the logic and flow of your ideas more apparent.
Task Achievement
Include a balanced discussion of both views before providing your opinion. This ensures that the essay fully responds to all parts of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion more thoroughly to provide a clear overview of your essay’s main points and a concise summary at the end.
Task Achievement
Use specific real-world examples to illustrate your points. While you've included examples, they could be refined and provided with more context or data to bolster your arguments.
General Advice
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing. Frequent errors can distract from your message and reduce the essay's overall effectiveness.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example