IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some places old age is valued, while in other ultures youth is considered more important.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #ultures #youth
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It is believed that some regions value old
people
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whereas
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 different cultures state that the younger generation is the priority.
This
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 author agrees that younger
people
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 should be prior more than older
people
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 and will demonstrate why throughout
this
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 essay. Specifically, most of the workforce nowadays are young workers.As young
people
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 are usually more healthy and active many cultures throughout the world admire their skills and passion.
Therefore
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,youngsters help to benefit the country they serve and build a better living environment.
However
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, when most youngsters are immature and inexperienced, they tend to symbolize the fragile innocent of society.
Subsequently
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, wiser elderly
people
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 in some of the country are looked up to by many individuals.They give advice and lead the young generation to a better lifestyle.It is
also
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 believed that the affection elder
people
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 get in their retirement is for their dedication and hard work during their youth.
To sum up
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,
while
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 older
people
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 tend to be more experienced and worth the affection more than younger
people
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, it is undeniable that the young generation is
also
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 being valued as they are the main
work force
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workforce
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 of their country.

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task achievement
Consider deepening your analysis of both perspectives before concluding. While you've provided a general discussion, deeper insights or more nuanced arguments could better demonstrate task completion.
coherence cohesion
Integrate a wider variety of sentence structures and transition words to enhance the flow of ideas and cohesion. This can also help in clearly distinguishing between different viewpoints and your own opinion.
task achievement
Support your points with more precise examples and data. Specific examples enhance the relevance and strength of your arguments, engaging the reader and demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction by clearly outlining the views to be discussed and stating your opinion more explicitly. This helps in setting a clearer direction for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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