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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. On the other hand, others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your opinion!

#people #information #research #business #world #hand
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In the fields of scientific research, business, and academia, there is a growing trend towards open
access
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 to
information
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.
While
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this
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 may seem like a positive development, I believe that there are some types of
information
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 that are too important or valuable to be shared freely. On the one hand, proponents of open
access
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 argue that it promotes collaboration and the sharing of ideas, and can lead to faster and more effective problem-solving.
In addition
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, they argue that open
access
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 to
information
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 can increase transparency and accountability, and can improve public trust in the scientific and academic communities.
However
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, these arguments are outweighed by the risks associated with sharing sensitive or valuable
information
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 freely.
For example
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, in business, confidential
information
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 about company strategy and financial data is often kept secret to protect the company's competitive advantage. If
this
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information
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 were to be freely available, it could put the company at a disadvantage and threaten its success. In scientific research, sensitive
information
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 about new discoveries may be kept confidential until a patent can be secured. If
this
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information
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 were to be shared freely, it could allow others to take advantage of the discovery before the researchers are able to secure the benefits of their work. In my opinion, some
information
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 is simply too important to be shared freely.
This
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 is why it is important to take a cautious approach to open
access
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, and to carefully consider the potential benefits and risks of sharing
information
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there are different views regarding the extent to which
information
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 should be disseminated in various fields
such
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 as scientific research, business, and academia, I believe that certain types of
information
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 should be made available
for
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to
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public
Correct article usage
the public
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.
Therefore
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, it is necessary to establish appropriate regulations to prevent the inadvertent or intentional disclosure of confidential
information
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 to the public.
Submitted by haaggurl_ on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt. While you discussed both viewpoints, try to provide a balanced analysis by evenly detailing each perspective before stating your opinion. Include more specific examples to support your claims for a more persuasive and comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a clearer logical structure. This can be achieved by organizing your essay into distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each viewpoint, your own opinion, and the conclusion. Utilize a wider range of linking words to better connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Additionally, make your introduction and conclusion more distinct by clearly stating the essay's topic and summarizing the main points and your stance in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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