IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Schools should teach students how to become successful in their work instead of focusing on academic success. Do you agree or disagree.

#schools #students #work #success
Allegedly,
success
 in work is given significant attention in the society. Individuals believe the outcome of co-workers in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 is more important than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
success
. I agree that principals and instructors should teach pupils how to become successful in their
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
, but I disagree that
this
 idea is more important than academic
success
. In today's world, students do not have any idea about their future position in the society. They expand their skills in many lessons
such
 as math, science, geography and even thinking about their future work, but they do not have any opportunity about how they can be better employees in their offices. If jobholders do not have professional
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 and
reaction
Fix the agreement mistake
reactions
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other visitors, they lose their
coustomers
Correct your spelling
customers
, and after a
while
, they will be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loser
Fix the agreement mistake
losers
show examples
 in their professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, managers of
schools
 should allocate a specific time for holding some
curiculums
Correct your spelling
curriculums
curriculum
 for children to improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 sense of responsibility in their work.
On the other hand
, academic
success
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 the society for improving the foundation of a country. Elite's pupils strive to increase their
mind-set
Correct your spelling
mindset
show examples
 and knowledge in
schools
. They want to be a researcher or professor in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities and
labratories
Correct your spelling
laboratories
. Not only need they a lot of programs
for enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
show examples
 their wisdom, but
also
 they have to allocate most of their time to preparation
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 exams.
For instance
, there are many Olympics for elites that they can compete with other students, so
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 of these tests might change the student's lives. In effect, they can utilize their capabilities for
infrastructure
Add an article
the infrastructure
show examples
 of a country,so we need academic
success
 as much as we need professional
success
.
Overall
, learning new ideas and tricks for being a better co-worker should be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 option in
schools
, and if pupils realize they need it for their future satisfaction, they can enter for better results.
Additionally
, the main priority of
schools
 should be academic lessons but they have to teach additional training for enthusiastic students.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in the introduction to guide the reader on your stance regarding the topic.
task achievement
Expand on your examples with more detail and specificity to strengthen your argument and make your examples more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Consider using paragraphs to separate different ideas clearly and employ linking words to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay for grammatical errors and work on varying your sentence structure to improve readability and engagement. Consider using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
coherence cohesion
Revise the conclusion to more effectively summarize your main points and restate your thesis, reinforcing your argument and providing a clear close to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: