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Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
a small fraction of the total number of students attending schools, and
thus
 sending
children
 to schools cannot be the best method of educating them to be good members of society.  I believe that parents play a more important role in teaching them how to be good citizens. In Vietnam, the average class size is 20 students, which makes it difficult for educators to provide proper schooling for each student.
One to one
Add a hyphen
One-to-one
show examples
 lessons at home,
on the other hand
, allow
children
 to progress faster.
Furthermore
, parents form stronger bonds with their offspring and
thus
, it is easier for them to shape
children
’s personalities at an early age.
For example
, by telling stories
such
 as Robin Hood,
Cinderella
Correct word choice
and Cinderella
show examples
 before bedtime, parents can instil a sense of compassion and integrity into them. These
children
 are likely to become good members of society when they grow up. In conclusion,
although
 sending
children
 to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 can be seen as a way of teaching them how to be good citizens, I believe that domestic upbringing has a bigger impact on determining who they are in the future.
Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from an introductory paragraph that sets the stage for the discussion by introducing both views clearly. This will help frame the discussion and enhance the logical structure.
task achievement
Elaborate more on the argument regarding the effectiveness of school education in teaching children to be good members of society. Providing specific examples or studies could strengthen your position.
task achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are equally represented. At present, the essay leans more towards the argument that parents play a more significant role, without thoroughly exploring the potential of schools to educate children on societal values.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and clearly states your opinion, making your stance easy to understand.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples, such as the example from Vietnam, supports your argument well and adds credibility.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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