The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
To begin
with, In today's world
we can see Add a comma
world,
alot
of changes in the Correct your spelling
a lot
food
culture, In the past people used to eat helathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
food
, If we can see now there is a huge change in the food
habits and the culture of eating.
In my view
people from Add a comma
view,
past
used to harvest a good crop and used to eat Correct article usage
the past
helathy
, If we see Correct your spelling
healthily
todays
world everything is Change to a genitive case
today's
corruputed
by the Correct your spelling
corrupted
corporated
companies and the products they are providing to the peopleCorrect your spelling
corporate
,
when I was a kid I used to see all vegetables to grow in proper shape and size butRemove the comma
apply
,
if we see now they all are different. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, I used to eat clean and fresh fruits if we see now, when we wash a fruit there
colour will be coming Correct your spelling
their
on to
our hands Correct your spelling
onto
thats
how the fruits are being now Correct your spelling
that
that's
its
not at all healthy.
SinceCorrect your spelling
it's
,
there Remove the comma
apply
was
so much of corrupted fields the Change the verb form
were
food
is
not Wrong verb form
was
being
healthy. Verb problem
apply
Therefore
, nowadays kinds are more passinote
to eat junk Correct your spelling
passionate
food
like pizzas, burgers and choclates
which have high Correct your spelling
chocolates
chocolate
chances
of Fix the agreement mistake
chance
colestral
.
To be honest, all the Correct your spelling
cholesterol
restaraunts
want to attract Correct your spelling
restaurants
the
customers so, they design their Correct article usage
apply
food
to be attractive therefore
, all the kids are being attracted to unhealthy food
and are eating alot
of fatty acids and Correct your spelling
a lot
colestral
foods which Correct your spelling
cholesterol
lead
them to gain more weight and since Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
then
, the percentage of overweight has been increased.
To summarize, I am really regreatful
that we are not getting Correct your spelling
regretful
the
natural Correct article usage
apply
food
from nature and as we are depending on the unhelathy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
restartaunts
I am sorrowfully sorry for our kids who are facingCorrect your spelling
restaurants
the
huge problems Correct article usage
apply
of
the Change preposition
with
food
chain system.Submitted by bollevenkatesh9 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay provides an interesting perspective on the causes of childhood obesity, focusing predominantly on food quality and choices. However, to improve your Task Achievement score, you should broaden your discussion to include a wider range of causes and explicitly address the effects of this trend as the prompt requests.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, structuring your essay into clear paragraphs each focused on a separate idea would be beneficial. Start with an introductory paragraph that outlines the essay's direction, follow with body paragraphs that each introduce and elaborate on a single point, and conclude with a summary or conclusion paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Using varying sentence structures and transitional phrases can help the flow of your essay and make it easier to follow. Additionally, aim to correct grammatical errors and ensure proper punctuation, as these can significantly impact the readability of your text.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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