IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below shows the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

The pie charts below shows the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
#devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years
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The pie charts compare the gadgets
person's
Change noun form
people
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 between
18
Correct article usage
the 18
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 and 25 age group
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to watch
TV
Use synonyms
 in Canada in 2009 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, what we can see in the graph is that, At the beginning of the period, conversational
TV
Use synonyms
 was the biggest segment,
while
Linking Words
 Tablet and
Flat
Correct word choice
apply
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screen
TV
Use synonyms
 were the smallest portions. In comparison,
At the end
Linking Words
 of the interval, Conversational Television became the smallest section, during the time that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Flat screen
TV
Use synonyms
 emerged as the dominant medium. At the beginning of the time Traditional
TV
Use synonyms
 produced 34% and
this
Linking Words
 showed
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 decrease to 4% in 2019.
Likewise
Linking Words
, Tablet and Flat screen
Use synonyms
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
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 were the smallest parts with 5% and 8%.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the other hand, Tablet was 19%,
while
Linking Words
 television with a flat displayed 27%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it became the biggest section
at
Change preposition
in
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 the final year,
while
Linking Words
other gadget
Change the wording
another gadget
other gadgets
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 rose by 11%, from 15% to 26%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,the proportion of
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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 decreased marginally by 12% and became the second lowest part.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "subsequently, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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