IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years , it is obvious
in
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apply
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that many youth prefer to start
work- based
Correct your spelling
work-based
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 training rather than completing their study
in
Change preposition
at
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 the
university
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 in majority of countries.
While
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 Choosing to start work early has many advantages , it
also
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 has a lot of disadvantages . On one hand, There are many advantages
for
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to
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 preferring to begin directly in
work- based
Correct your spelling
work-based
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 training .
Firstly
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 ,
This
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 can help young
people
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 to gain money and become independent earlier than their climates who
choosing
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choose
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 to complete their studies for some years.
In addition
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 , they acquire practical skills directly.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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Work -based
Add a hyphen
Work-based
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 training
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 the financial burden on the individual and their families.
Moreover
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, the training can provide individuals to become specialized in a particular industry
such
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 as the petrol gas companies in Saudi Arabia. These companies have their own Educational training that
provide
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provides
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 their workers with practical training which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their roles in the future.
On the other hand
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 ,
There
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there
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 are many drawbacks for young
people
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 who
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
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 to choose work-based training rather than going to
university
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. Individuals who do not go to
university
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 may have a lack of theoretical information.
Also
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, Studying
in
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at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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university
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expand
Correct subject-verb agreement
expands
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Use synonyms
people
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people's
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 knowledge in many fields
such
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 as engineering , medicine and computer science.
Besides
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,
Many
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many
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 jobs
requires
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require
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 a qualification or degree from
known
Add an article
a known
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university
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 . It can be seen as a social merit to
be get
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get
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high
Correct word choice
a higher
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 education in some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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such
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 as Arab countries .
People
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 judge
people
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from
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on
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 many criteria and Education is the most common
criteria
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criterion
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 in those countries.
Finally
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 ,
Individual
Fix the agreement mistake
Individuals
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 can
gain
Verb problem
earn
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 more money when they have a
university
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 degree namely doctors and engineering. In conclusion, Deciding to choose
work- based
Add a hyphen
work-based
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 training or going to
university
Use synonyms
based
Add a missing verb
is based
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 on the type of work and the goals of the person. As there are advantages and disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work-based training , It is a personal choice
at the end
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.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly present your viewpoint and directly answer the question regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments, presenting a clear stance.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples from your own experience or knowledge to support your arguments about the advantages and disadvantages. This will make your essay more persuasive and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. This helps the reader understand the structure of your arguments better.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more complex linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make your arguments more coherent.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this central idea. Avoid including unrelated or contradictory information.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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