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Band 4

Some people think that the best way to solve the problem of poverty in many countries is to set up businesses and improve trade links with rich countries.

#people #poverty #countries #businesses #trade #links
Many individuals suppose that the best way to resolve the issue of impoverished
nations
 is to establish companies and enhance trade links with wealthy
nations
. Personally, I am of the opinion that there are other equally good ways which can address it. On the one hand, setting up new businesses will
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
 plenty of jobs
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 citizens, since it will improve living standards and lead to
Correct article usage
a develop
show examples
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 nation.
For example
, famous car corporations from Europe and Japan built several factories in underdeveloped
countries
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in a lot of opportunities
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 occupation, solving
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
unemployment
Change preposition
of unemployment
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many people. Thereby contributing development of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
.
On the other hand
, education is equally important. A nation with well-educated citizens
,
Correct word choice
and, skilled
show examples
skilled
Correct article usage
a skilled
show examples
 labour force will
cause
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 to decrease
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of crime and attract foreign investors.
For instance
, technology corporations tend to invest in developing
countries
 but have skilled workforces as they can employ potential candidates with
extent
Correct article usage
an extent
show examples
 salary not as high as in developed
countries
.
Besides
,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 is always low
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes the
nations
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 safe and since
then
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 plenty of opportunities to come into contact with
well off
Add a hyphen
well-off
show examples
countries
 in business, import, export... In conclusion,
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
several people argue that the best way to make
countries
 overcome poverty is to found companies and improve exchange with rich
nations
. I do believe that setting up new enterprises and enhancing education quality will help the
countries
 become more developed and since
then
escaping
Wrong verb form
escape
show examples
 impoverishment.
Submitted by weezel on

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coherence cohesion
Be sure to clearly state your thesis in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a strong, cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases that clearly signal the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure every paragraph directly supports your main argument. Focus on explicitly linking each main idea back to the question prompt.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures and precise vocabulary to address the topic more comprehensively. This will add depth to your essay and clarify your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more detailed, specific examples to substantiate your points. This adds credibility and strength to your arguments, aiding both task achievement and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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