IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in universities in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

#students #science #subjects #universities #countries #effects #society
Currently, only a few
students
 enroll
universities
Change preposition
on universities
show examples
science-related
Change preposition
in science-related
show examples
subjects
 in several countries. Based on
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 condition, it was
due to
 difficulty
perception
Change preposition
in perception
show examples
 and
gender
 stereotypes.
Firstly
, in terms of
sciences major
Fix the agreement mistake
science majors
show examples
,
students
convince
Wrong verb form
are convinced
show examples
 that
science
-related
subjects
 are very difficult,
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 mastery
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fundamental
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
such
 as mathematics, biology, chemistry and physics.
This
perception
 influenced
students
 to decrease their interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
science
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
 because they
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 insecure and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confidence. Competitive admission is
also
 another
herdship
Correct your spelling
hardship
headship
perception
. Other
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 decided to choose
science
subject
 as their undergraduate major candidate mostly are
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have great skills in
science
.
This
 phenomenon potentially declined
students
' motivation to firmly choose
science
-related
subjects
 as their option to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
undergraduate
Change preposition
in undergraduate
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
.
Instead
 of
convicing
Correct your spelling
convincing
 themselves regarding their own skill,
students
 tend to switch their
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
Change preposition
to
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a social major
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, politics
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 law.
For example
, because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of fundamental knowledge in
science
 and doubting their own skills,
students
 who
initially
 choose
medicine
Correct article usage
a medicine
show examples
 major,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
change their option
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
field
.
Secondly
, low numbers
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
students
 who select
science
-related
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 are
also
due to
gender
 stereotypes. There are many unreasonable
perception
Change to a plural noun
perceptions
show examples
 which have been spread in our society that several
subjects
 are referred to
certain
Change preposition
as certain
show examples
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
. Females are guided into social
field
Change the noun form
fields
show examples
such
 as education,
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, law, and communication.
Whereas
 males are
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
dressed
 to contribute in
science
 aspects
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 engineering, computer, and
other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subject
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related
STEM
Change preposition
to STEM
show examples
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. These
assumtion
Correct your spelling
assumptions
 grow gradually in present, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 potentially
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
 boundaries in terms of
students
' confidence
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their skills and interests. The reasons that are mentioned earlier
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 common causes that happen in
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 environment of education. If
these assumption
Change the determiner
this assumption
these assumptions
show examples
rooted
Add a missing verb
are rooted
show examples
suistanably
Correct your spelling
sustainably
sustainable
, it will create negative impacts
such
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of people
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 and services in
STEM
Correct article usage
the STEM
show examples
field
, creating boundaries regarding choosing
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 among
students
.
To conclude
, difficulty
perception
 and
gender
streotypes
Correct your spelling
stereotypes
 become
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common reasons why currently low numbers of
students
 choose
science-related
Add an article
a science-related
the science-related
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
. If society can not overcome
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues, it will lead
several
Change preposition
to several
show examples
 negative
efects
Correct your spelling
effects
such
 as
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
people
Change preposition
in people
show examples
 number that contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
STEM
Correct article usage
the STEM
show examples
field
 and creating boundaries among
stduents
Correct your spelling
students
 about choosing
science
subjects
 as their interest.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Provide a broader range of supporting examples and evidence for your claims. Adding data, studies, or more varied examples can enhance the effectiveness of your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on further organizing your paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Linking words and transitions can help guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. While you have made an attempt to cover the reasons and effects, expanding on these and offering more detailed explanations and consequences would make your essay more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider rephrasing sentences that may be unclear or grammatically incorrect. Improving clarity through sentence structure will enhance understandability and cohesiveness of your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: