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Band 4.5

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in universities in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

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Currently, only a few
students
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 enroll
universities
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on universities
show examples
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science-related
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in science-related
show examples
subjects
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 in several countries. Based on
present
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the present
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 condition, it was
due to
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 difficulty
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perception
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in perception
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 and
gender
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 stereotypes.
Firstly
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, in terms of
sciences major
Fix the agreement mistake
science majors
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,
students
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convince
Wrong verb form
are convinced
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 that
science
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-related
subjects
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 are very difficult,
Linking Words
due to
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because
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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required
Wrong verb form
require
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 mastery
in
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of
show examples
 fundamental
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, biology, chemistry and physics.
This
Linking Words
perception
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 influenced
students
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 to decrease their interest
on
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in
show examples
science
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major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
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 because they
becomes
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become
show examples
 insecure and lack
of
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apply
show examples
confidence. Competitive admission is
also
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 another
herdship
Correct your spelling
hardship
headship
perception
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. Other
students
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 decided to choose
science
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subject
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 as their undergraduate major candidate mostly are
from
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apply
show examples
individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have great skills in
science
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.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon potentially declined
students
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' motivation to firmly choose
science
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-related
subjects
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 as their option to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
undergraduate
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in undergraduate
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degree
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degrees
show examples
.
Instead
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 of
convicing
Correct your spelling
convincing
 themselves regarding their own skill,
students
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 tend to switch their
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
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to
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into
Change preposition
to
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 a social major
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, politics
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 law.
For example
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, because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of fundamental knowledge in
science
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 and doubting their own skills,
students
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 who
initially
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 choose
medicine
Correct article usage
a medicine
show examples
 major,
they
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apply
show examples
change their option
into
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to
show examples
law
Correct article usage
the law
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field
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.
Secondly
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, low numbers
in
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of
show examples
students
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 who select
science
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-related
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 are
also
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due to
Linking Words
gender
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 stereotypes. There are many unreasonable
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perception
Change to a plural noun
perceptions
show examples
 which have been spread in our society that several
subjects
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 are referred to
certain
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as certain
show examples
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gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
. Females are guided into social
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field
Change the noun form
fields
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as education,
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, law, and communication.
Whereas
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 males are
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
dressed
 to contribute in
science
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 aspects
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 engineering, computer, and
other
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another subject
other subjects
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subject
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related
STEM
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to STEM
show examples
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field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. These
assumtion
Correct your spelling
assumptions
 grow gradually in present, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 potentially
grow
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grows
show examples
 boundaries in terms of
students
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' confidence
on
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in
show examples
 their skills and interests. The reasons that are mentioned earlier
is
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are
show examples
 common causes that happen in
real
Correct article usage
the real
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 environment of education. If
these assumption
Change the determiner
this assumption
these assumptions
show examples
rooted
Add a missing verb
are rooted
show examples
suistanably
Correct your spelling
sustainably
sustainable
, it will create negative impacts
such
Linking Words
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of people
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 and services in
STEM
Correct article usage
the STEM
show examples
field
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, creating boundaries regarding choosing
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 among
students
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.
To conclude
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, difficulty
perception
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 and
gender
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streotypes
Correct your spelling
stereotypes
 become
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common reasons why currently low numbers of
students
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 choose
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science-related
Add an article
a science-related
the science-related
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
. If society can not overcome
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues, it will lead
several
Change preposition
to several
show examples
 negative
efects
Correct your spelling
effects
such
Linking Words
 as
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
people
Change preposition
in people
show examples
 number that contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
STEM
Correct article usage
the STEM
show examples
field
Use synonyms
 and creating boundaries among
stduents
Correct your spelling
students
 about choosing
science
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subjects
Use synonyms
 as their interest.

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Task Achievement
Provide a broader range of supporting examples and evidence for your claims. Adding data, studies, or more varied examples can enhance the effectiveness of your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on further organizing your paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Linking words and transitions can help guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. While you have made an attempt to cover the reasons and effects, expanding on these and offering more detailed explanations and consequences would make your essay more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider rephrasing sentences that may be unclear or grammatically incorrect. Improving clarity through sentence structure will enhance understandability and cohesiveness of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lack of interest
  • Motivation
  • Perceived difficulty
  • Career guidance
  • Diverse opportunities
  • Social media influence
  • Trendy fields
  • Outdated curriculum
  • Modern relevance
  • Engagement
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • Public health
  • Innovation
  • Sustainability
  • Skilled workforce
  • Knowledge economy
  • Research and development
  • Scientific literacy
  • Global competitiveness
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