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Band 5

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. •Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

#commentators #grandparents #children #grandchildren #people #•consider #arguments #debate #conclusion
•
While
 some reporters believe that grandparents have to reside with their immediate family, others suppose that those elderly should be persuaded to live on their own. Since experiences have proven peaceful co-existence leads to efficient consequences, I
also
 believe
this
 approach
outdo
Correct your spelling
outdos
 the opposite one. •On the one hand, since it provides
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of
independent
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 and privacy, it is much
convenient
Correct quantifier usage
more convenient
show examples
 for both sides that elderly
people
 continue living by themselves. There will be no need for them to tolerate opposed ideas and struggle
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 complex issues every day.
Therefore
, it offers
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of comfort and relief when one does not see any barrier
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their actions.
For example
, old
people
 are strict in terms of risky
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 being made these days by
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
 generation. so these
people
 believe that
this
 approach leads to better results. •
On the other hand
, others believe that living
along
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with grandparents loads them with
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
valuable experiences and they can consult them when they encounter
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a challenging issue in their life.
Besides
, younger can take care of elderly
people
 when they live with each other and increase their future
hope
Fix the agreement mistake
hopes
show examples
 as we know the healthier you are the better spirit you experience
let
Verb problem
apply
show examples
alone it will prolong your life
along with
 mounting in quality.
Thus
, they justify
this
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 a better choice which I believe is the best approach as long as we show respect to them. •In conclusion, I understand why some desire
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
old
people
 to live independently, but I assume living with children will provide them
better
Change preposition
with better
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
while
 youngsters will definitely benefit from it too.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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introduction
Your introduction can be improved by clearly stating your viewpoint from the beginning, making it easier for the reader to understand your stance.
body
Enhance your essay by including more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and engaging to the reader.
structure
Try to ensure a more clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use transitional phrases and clearly separate paragraphs to achieve this.
conclusion
In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion in a clear and powerful way, ensuring it leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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