While a faction of people holds the notion that parents should closely monitor their offspring, others aruge that they should be independent from their parents. This essay will delve into both viewpoints and explain my support for the former opinion with relevant illustrations

While
a faction of people holds the notion that
parents
should closely monitor their offspring, others
aruge
Correct your spelling
argue
that they should be independent from their
parents
.
This
essay will delve into both viewpoints and explain my support for the former opinion with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, the people who advocate for the independence of
children
claim that allowing the freedom of choice at a young age would be beneficial for juveniles in their future.
In other words
, without parental
supervision
Add a comma
supervision,
show examples
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
will learn from life experiences.
For example
, if
parents
allow a budget for monthly expenses for their offspring,
children
will learn not only money management but
also
the value of the money.
Besides
, In the concurrent world, family members would not have sufficient time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
closely
monitoring
Wrong verb form
monitor
show examples
young ones. Schools and authorities
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
the responsibility to watch over the activities of adolescents.
Nevertheless
,
parents
have a significant role in
children
's development. In detail, at an early age,
children
might not have the capacity to differentiate right and wrong,
therefore
, parental guidance, undeniably, is vital for
children
.
Moreover
, since
parents
have an immense influence on their
children
, they can teach juveniles social responsibility and ethical
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
show examples
.
For example
, there are several students
participate
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
in the voluntary 2024 beech cleaning program in Dubai with their
parents
. In conclusion, despite the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
independent development
is helps
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
in learning life experience,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social responsibilities and ethical practices can be learned from the supervision of their
parents
. I believe that
children
should be supervised by their
parents
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's logical structure by ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. Utilizing transitional phrases can bridge ideas more seamlessly, contributing to a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, foreground your thesis more prominently. This can be done by stating your position unequivocally at the outset and reiterating it conclusively, thereby strengthening the impact of your argument.
coherence cohesion
To fortify the support for your main points, incorporate a broader range of examples and evidence. This diversification will not only validate your arguments further but also demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the subject matter.
task achievement
Your response adequately addresses the task, reflecting a balanced examination of both views and your own stance. For further improvement, aim for a nuanced presentation of your arguments, thoroughly exploring complexities and implications to provide a more compelling case.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and easily understood. This may involve unfolding your reasoning with more depth, enabling readers to grasp the full scope of your perspective.
task achievement
While you use relevant examples, increasing their specificity and depth can significantly enhance your argument. Detailed scenarios or concrete evidence can provide stronger support, making your position more persuasive.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: