Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

It is generally believed that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elderly

people

Use synonyms

in search of

Use synonyms

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

should struggle by

contesting

Verb problem

competing

show examples

with

younger

Add an article

the younger

a younger

show examples

generation in order to find suitable

Use synonyms

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss

main

Correct article usage

the main

show examples

causes of

this

Linking Words

issue consisting lack of

job

Use synonyms

opportunities

Use synonyms

and

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

This

Linking Words

will

also

Linking Words

suggest

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

these problem

Change the determiner

this problem

these problems

show examples

including prioritizing based on senior citizens and creating more occupations. In general,

job

Use synonyms

opportunities

Use synonyms

are declining

due to

Linking Words

automation and

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

problems are escalating

due to

Linking Words

ubiquitous recession throughout the world. Available

jobs

Use synonyms

both are limited owing to

increasing

Replace the word

the increase

show examples

in bankrupted companies and

high

Correct article usage

the high

show examples

level of competition among them.

Linking Words

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

recession

appeared

Wrong verb form

appears

show examples

society

Use synonyms

affects

Add an article

the economical

show examples

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

situation of

people

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, if old

people

Use synonyms

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

to find a

job

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

an equal level with

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

, they will not be chosen as they provide lower productivity.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they need to fulfill their life’s essentials

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

same level.

Overall

Linking Words

, they have to compete in

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

very imbalanced and unequal conditions. Prioritizing

jobs

Use synonyms

based on seniority and creating more occupations are two possible

way

Fix the agreement mistake

ways

show examples

to overcome

this

Linking Words

pitfall.

Society

Use synonyms

and government should be considerate

confronting

Rephrase

when confronting

show examples

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

citizens who have served the country

many

Change preposition

for many

show examples

years but can not act the same right now.

In addition

Linking Words

, they should provide enough

career

Use synonyms

opportunities

Use synonyms

for everyone in the country so that no one is left behind and jobless. One way is

Use synonyms

jobs

Change preposition

for jobs

show examples

which can be done by seniors, to be allocated to

those sector

Change the determiner

that sector

those sectors

show examples

without taking

Change preposition

into

show examples

account youth or

create

Wrong verb form

creating

show examples

more related

opportunities

Use synonyms

in every section in order to present it to

whole

Add an article

the whole

show examples

society

Use synonyms

. All in all, states are responsible

to take

Change preposition

for taking

show examples

care of the elderly

people

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation in order to maintain safety and security in the country. In summary, we infer that the elderly who are competing

youngsters

Change preposition

with youngsters

show examples

are prone to be affected badly in

society

Use synonyms

and governments should come up with an idea to manage it.

this

Linking Words

essay discussed

main

Correct article usage

the main

show examples

causes of

mentioned

Correct article usage

the mentioned

show examples

issue

such

Linking Words

as low chances of

career

Use synonyms

option

Fix the agreement mistake

options

show examples

with

people

Use synonyms

’s insufficient

economical

Correct word choice

economic

show examples

standards.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay provided main solutions for

this

Linking Words

problem

containing

Verb problem

including

show examples

prioritizing

jobs

Use synonyms

considering old

people

Use synonyms

and providing more

career

Use synonyms

opportunities

Use synonyms

in the countries which can alleviate life for everyone.

keyhan454

Feb 28, 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Improve the logical structure by making clearer connections between ideas and paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Include a more explicit introduction and conclusion to strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay. Restate the main points in the conclusion for clarity.

Task Achievement

Develop main points with more detailed examples and evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and provide a more complete response to the task.

Task Achievement

Expand on your ideas with specific, real-world examples to provide more depth and relevance to your argument. This will enhance the comprehensiveness of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

368 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

competition
older people
younger people
jobs
problems
solutions
discrimination
skills
experience
stress
mental health
performance
technology
adaptability
workforce
candidates
training
mentorship
retraining
collaboration
value

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Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced.

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

Some people feel a country can't be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

In many countries today, crime novels and TV crime dramas are becoming more and more popular. Why do you think these books and TV shows are popular? What is your opinion of crime fiction and TV crime dramas?

Children of different ages and countries play computer games these days. Parents think these computer games have little educational value and have harmful effects on children. What is your opinion?