Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

#people #work #jobs

It is generally believed that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elderly

people

in search of

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

should struggle by

contesting

Verb problem

competing

show examples

with

younger

Add an article

the younger

a younger

show examples

generation in order to find suitable

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

This

essay will discuss

main

Correct article usage

the main

show examples

causes of

this

issue consisting lack of

job

opportunities

and

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

This

will

also

suggest

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

these problem

Change the determiner

this problem

these problems

show examples

including prioritizing based on senior citizens and creating more occupations. In general,

job

opportunities

are declining

due to

automation and

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

problems are escalating

due to

ubiquitous recession throughout the world. Available

jobs

both are limited owing to

increasing

Replace the word

the increase

show examples

in bankrupted companies and

high

Correct article usage

the high

show examples

level of competition among them.

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

recession

appeared

Wrong verb form

appears

show examples

society

affects

Add an article

the economical

show examples

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

situation of

people

For instance

, if old

people

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

to find a

job

Change preposition

show examples

an equal level with

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

, they will not be chosen as they provide lower productivity.

Moreover

, they need to fulfill their life’s essentials

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

same level.

Overall

, they have to compete in

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

very imbalanced and unequal conditions. Prioritizing

jobs

based on seniority and creating more occupations are two possible

way

Fix the agreement mistake

ways

show examples

to overcome

this

pitfall.

Society

and government should be considerate

confronting

Rephrase

when confronting

show examples

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

citizens who have served the country

many

Change preposition

for many

show examples

years but can not act the same right now.

In addition

, they should provide enough

career

opportunities

for everyone in the country so that no one is left behind and jobless. One way is

jobs

Change preposition

for jobs

show examples

which can be done by seniors, to be allocated to

those sector

Change the determiner

that sector

those sectors

show examples

without taking

Change preposition

into

show examples

account youth or

create

Wrong verb form

creating

show examples

more related

opportunities

in every section in order to present it to

whole

Add an article

the whole

show examples

society

. All in all, states are responsible

to take

Change preposition

for taking

show examples

care of the elderly

people

as well as

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation in order to maintain safety and security in the country. In summary, we infer that the elderly who are competing

youngsters

Change preposition

with youngsters

show examples

are prone to be affected badly in

society

and governments should come up with an idea to manage it.

this

essay discussed

main

Correct article usage

the main

show examples

causes of

mentioned

Correct article usage

the mentioned

show examples

issue

such

as low chances of

career

option

Fix the agreement mistake

options

show examples

with

people

’s insufficient

economical

Correct word choice

economic

show examples

standards.

In addition

this

essay provided main solutions for

this

problem

containing

Verb problem

including

show examples

prioritizing

jobs

considering old

people

and providing more

career

opportunities

in the countries which can alleviate life for everyone.

Submitted by keyhan454 on Wed Feb 28 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Improve the logical structure by making clearer connections between ideas and paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Include a more explicit introduction and conclusion to strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay. Restate the main points in the conclusion for clarity.

Task Achievement

Develop main points with more detailed examples and evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and provide a more complete response to the task.

Task Achievement

Expand on your ideas with specific, real-world examples to provide more depth and relevance to your argument. This will enhance the comprehensiveness of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

368 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is important for everyone including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Sample Question Version 02 (Discuss both views) : In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views.

The Biggest Mistake of This Generation Is Running Behind Pretty Faces and Ignoring Good Hearts

Around the world children learn English language as a second language at school. however, in some places they also learn at Kinder garden. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of learning at kinder garden?