Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?
It is generally believed that
the
elderly Correct article usage
apply
people
in search of career
should struggle by Fix the agreement mistake
careers
contesting
with Verb problem
competing
younger
generation in order to find suitable Add an article
the younger
a younger
job
. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
This
essay will discuss main
causes of Correct article usage
the main
this
issue consisting lack of job
opportunities
and economical
Replace the word
economic
problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
This
will also
suggest solution
to Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
these problem
including prioritizing based on senior citizens and creating more occupations.
In general, Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
job
opportunities
are declining due to
automation and economical
problems are escalating Replace the word
economic
due to
ubiquitous recession throughout the world. Available jobs
both are limited owing to increasing
in bankrupted companies and Replace the word
the increase
high
level of competition among them. Correct article usage
the high
In
addition
recession Add a comma
addition,
appeared
in Wrong verb form
appears
society
affects Add an article
the economical
economical
situation of Replace the word
economic
people
. For instance
, if old people
wants
to find a Change the verb form
want
job
in
an equal level with Change preposition
at
youngster
, they will not be chosen as they provide lower productivity. Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
Moreover
, they need to fulfill their life’s essentials in
Change preposition
on
a
same level. Correct article usage
the
Overall
, they have to compete in a
very imbalanced and unequal conditions.
Prioritizing Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
jobs
based on seniority and creating more occupations are two possible way
to overcome Fix the agreement mistake
ways
this
pitfall. Society
and government should be considerate confronting
Rephrase
when confronting
with
citizens who have served the country Change preposition
apply
many
years but can not act the same right now. Change preposition
for many
In addition
, they should provide enough career
opportunities
for everyone in the country so that no one is left behind and jobless. One way is jobs
which can be done by seniors, to be allocated to Change preposition
for jobs
those sector
without taking Change the determiner
that sector
those sectors
to
account youth or Change preposition
into
create
more related Wrong verb form
creating
opportunities
in every section in order to present it to whole
Add an article
the whole
society
. All in all, states are responsible to take
care of the elderly Change preposition
for taking
people
as well as
young
generation in order to maintain safety and security in the country.
In summary, we infer that the elderly who are competing Correct article usage
the young
youngsters
are prone to be affected badly in Change preposition
with youngsters
society
and governments should come up with an idea to manage it. this
essay discussed main
causes of Correct article usage
the main
mentioned
issue Correct article usage
the mentioned
such
as low chances of career
option
with Fix the agreement mistake
options
people
’s insufficient economical
standards. Correct word choice
economic
In addition
, this
essay provided main solutions for this
problem containing
prioritizing Verb problem
including
jobs
considering old people
and providing more career
opportunities
in the countries which can alleviate life for everyone.Submitted by keyhan454 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical structure by making clearer connections between ideas and paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a more explicit introduction and conclusion to strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay. Restate the main points in the conclusion for clarity.
Task Achievement
Develop main points with more detailed examples and evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and provide a more complete response to the task.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas with specific, real-world examples to provide more depth and relevance to your argument. This will enhance the comprehensiveness of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
