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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
#information #families #country #income
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The bar chart illustrates the data about average weekly spending by families in one country in 1968 and in 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the food
section
Use synonyms
 takes the largest part of their spending, especially in 1968.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, fuel and power have been the lowest level of their cost. As can obviously
see
Wrong verb form
be seen
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in 1968 had the highest proportion in the food
section
Use synonyms
, reaching exactly 35% of weekly income,
while
Linking Words
 it
only
Add a missing verb
was only
show examples
 about 17% spent on food in 2018.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the leisure
section
Use synonyms
 in 2018 is the second highest amount of consumption, achieved around 22%.
However
Linking Words
, it just spent around 8% in the Leisure
section
Use synonyms
 in 1968.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it has a similar growth rate in the housing
section
Use synonyms
, which was 10% in 1968 and increased to about 19% in 2018.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in household goods
section
Use synonyms
, remained at the same level approximately 8% in both 1968 and 2018. Coincidently, the personal goods and the transport parts in 1968 have the same spending proportion, which is around 8%,
while
Linking Words
 the former decreased to about 4% in 2018, and the latter increased to an estimated 14%.
Submitted by 90nini15yu on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words section with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Weekly income
  • Expenditure
  • Consumption patterns
  • Cost of living
  • Discretionary spending
  • Inflation
  • Economic indicators
  • Demographics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Technology advancements
  • Government policies
  • Consumerism
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Fiscal habits
  • Budget allocation
  • Financial priorities
  • Societal trends
  • Purchasing power
  • Income distribution
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