For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #reason #work #money

A faction of

people

holds the notion that the

rational

Correct your spelling

rationale

show examples

behind hard

work

is to earn

immense

Add an article

the immense

an immense

show examples

amount of

money

. I completely disagree with

this

view as amples of reasons are present to substantiate It.

This

essay will delve into my viewpoint with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, the obvious reason behind

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

is commitment and passion towards the

job

In other words

, since

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

high-paid jobs

are

Verb problem

show examples

not

satisfied

Wrong verb form

satisfy

show examples

the employee, arguably,

job

statisfaction

Correct your spelling

satisfaction

is imperative for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hard

work

For example

, several

people

who

interested

Add a missing verb

are interested

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

art are working in art museums and

gallaries

Correct your spelling

galleries

with minimum wages.

Besides

, numerous politicians worked for the

countries

Change noun form

country's

show examples

development without any financial benefits.

This

is because

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

comitment

Correct your spelling

commitment

and spirit towards the national development.

Furthemore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, since

hardworking

Correct word choice

hard work

show examples

is an

inate

Correct your spelling

innate

ability,

people

can not

hardwork

Correct your spelling

without any stimulation.

Money

can be stimulated only for

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

months. in detail, if employees earned

sufficient

Add an article

a sufficient

show examples

amount of

money

, they would lose their hardworking stimulation. To illustrate, many

start-up

Change to a plural noun

start-ups

show examples

are closed

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

lost

Wrong verb form

lose

show examples

passion

Correct article usage

the passion

show examples

of the founders after they earn

sufficient

Correct article usage

a sufficient

show examples

amount of

money

Moreover

people

who looking for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

career development will not focus on

hig-paid

Correct your spelling

high-paid

jobs in their early employment stages. By doing

this

they can achieve their goals

subsequently

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

became

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

expert in their field.

inturn

Correct your spelling

In turn

show examples

renumeration

Correct your spelling

remuneration

show examples

would be abundantly increase. In conclusion, high paid

job

would not provide

job

satisfaction which is vital for

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hard

work

. Since

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hard

work

require

Change the verb form

requires

show examples

stimulations

Fix the agreement mistake

stimulation

show examples

, career goals are important for

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

. I believe that

Correct article usage

the reson

show examples

reson

Correct your spelling

reason

for

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

is commitment and passion

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

work

Submitted by ck.manshad on Wed Feb 28 2024

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logical structure

Try to ensure that your ideas are clearly and logically ordered throughout the essay. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

introduction conclusion present

Include both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay effectively. Your introduction did a good job setting up the topic, so continue to ensure both are present in your writing.

supported main points

Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples. This adds credibility to your arguments and helps the reader understand your point of view more clearly.

complete response

Ensure your response fully addresses the prompt by exploring different perspectives beyond just disagreeing with the statement. This demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.

clear comprehensive ideas

Clarify and expand upon your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Each paragraph should explore a single main idea with sufficient detail.

relevant specific examples

Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. This enriches your essay and makes your reasoning more persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
necessities
monetary rewards
quality of life
luxury items
dependents
responsibility
pursue
personal interests
cultural pressures
wealth accumulation
fulfillment
visible measure
correlate
secure future
comfortable lifestyle
entertainment

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For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness.Do you think people can be happy without much money?What other factors contribute toward happiness.

Every year millions of people move from the countryside to the city putting increasing strain on the urban environment. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities, rather than qualification and experience, to what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion with example.