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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that men and women have different qualities , therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extant do you agree or disagree

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
In today's modern era, many individuals believe that males and females have different qualities, so the crucial
jobs
 are suitable for men and less important
jobs
 for
women
. In my opinion, I predominantly disagree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will discuss the reason
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my view.
Firstly
, nowadays, fairness is one of the most important in
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 lives,
therefore
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 ability to do the
job
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can enjoy it with
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 exception about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sex. It means
,
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apply
show examples
 everyone can apply to any
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
 without thinking about the exception of sex.
For example
, in the past, NASA
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not have any
female's
Change noun form
female
show examples
 employees because
NASA'a
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NASA's
show examples
employer
Replace the word
employees
show examples
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 that
women
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not have enough knowledge to do the
jobs
,
however
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today, they very welcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female's
Change noun form
female
show examples
 employees who have knowledge and ability.
Nevertheless
, from
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
,
women
 must take
a
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apply
show examples
responsibility for housework,
therefore
, they can not spend all
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working. It is understandable that if
people
 do some important
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
such
 as
Correct article usage
a goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
job
, they will pay attention to that
job
 and they do not have time for other activities. That
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
, some individuals think that some occupations are suitable for males and others for females. In conclusion, I disagree with
people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
women
 can only do certain
jobs
 because in
this
 era, no more gender discrimination,
gender
Correct word choice
and gender
show examples
 equality, so if
people
 have the ability, they can do any
job
.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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Task Achievement
Aim for a clearer introduction that directly responds to the prompt, expressing your position explicitly. It's beneficial not to introduce new ideas in the conclusion that weren't discussed in the body paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is logically developed. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences more effectively.
General Advice
Incorporate a richer variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your expression. Pay attention to accuracy in grammar and spelling.
Task Achievement
Support your arguments with more distinct, relevant examples. Doing so strengthens your assertions and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the issue.
Task Achievement
Ensure your arguments against the statement are developed extensively and stay focused without diverting off-topic. Consistently address the essay prompt throughout.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
What to do next:
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