IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that men and women have different qualities , therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extant do you agree or disagree

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
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In today's modern era, many individuals believe that males and females have different qualities, so the crucial
jobs
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 are suitable for men and less important
jobs
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 for
women
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. In my opinion, I predominantly disagree with
this
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 statement.
This
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 essay will discuss the reason
about
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for
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 my view.
Firstly
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, nowadays, fairness is one of the most important in
the
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our
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 lives,
therefore
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people
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 who
has
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have
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a
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the
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 ability to do the
job
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,
they
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apply
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can enjoy it with
not
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no
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 exception about
the
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apply
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sex. It means
,
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apply
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 everyone can apply to any
fields
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field
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 without thinking about the exception of sex.
For example
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, in the past, NASA
do
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did
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 not have any
female's
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female
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 employees because
NASA'a
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NASA's
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employer
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employees
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believe
Wrong verb form
believed
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 that
women
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do
Wrong verb form
did
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 not have enough knowledge to do the
jobs
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,
however
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,
in
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apply
show examples
today, they very welcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female's
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female
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 employees who have knowledge and ability.
Nevertheless
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, from
past
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the past
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 to
present
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the present
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,
women
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 must take
a
Remove the article
apply
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responsibility for housework,
therefore
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, they can not spend all
time
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their time
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on
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apply
show examples
working. It is understandable that if
people
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 do some important
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jobs
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job
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such
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 as
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a goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
job
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, they will pay attention to that
job
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 and they do not have time for other activities. That
why
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is why
show examples
, some individuals think that some occupations are suitable for males and others for females. In conclusion, I disagree with
people
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think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
women
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 can only do certain
jobs
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 because in
this
Linking Words
 era, no more gender discrimination,
gender
Correct word choice
and gender
show examples
 equality, so if
people
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 have the ability, they can do any
job
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Aim for a clearer introduction that directly responds to the prompt, expressing your position explicitly. It's beneficial not to introduce new ideas in the conclusion that weren't discussed in the body paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is logically developed. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences more effectively.
General Advice
Incorporate a richer variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your expression. Pay attention to accuracy in grammar and spelling.
Task Achievement
Support your arguments with more distinct, relevant examples. Doing so strengthens your assertions and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the issue.
Task Achievement
Ensure your arguments against the statement are developed extensively and stay focused without diverting off-topic. Consistently address the essay prompt throughout.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
What to do next:
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