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Writing Samples
Band 5

Eco-tourism often involves visiting remote and fragile ecosystems, which raises concerns about the impact on local cultures and indigenous communities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be resolved?

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The practice of visiting natural environments can lead to the
treespassing
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trespassing
trees passing
 of delicate and conservated ecosystems. Which could certainly have consequences on local cultures and indigenous
communities
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,
such
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 as
irreversable
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irreversible
 damage to endemic
species
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, and invasion of sacred places for indigenous
communities
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.
Thus
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, in order to fix
this
Linking Words
 problem, it is necessary to
stablish
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establish
 local policies to protect religious areas,
as well as
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 to warn the
tourist
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 about caring for endemic animals, or
silvester
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Silvester
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 flora and fauna. Endemic
species
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includes
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include
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 a range of natural and original
species
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 from
an specific habitats
Correct the article-noun agreement
specific habitats
a specific habitat
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such
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 as lilac orchids from the Amazon Rainforest, or golden
poissonous
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poisonous
 frogs from the southern jungles of Colombia.
Linking Words
This natural habitats
Change the determiner
This natural habitat
These natural habitats
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 could be invaded and
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
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 by human exploration, even if it means
as
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a
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 way for eco-tourism,
this
Linking Words
species
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 could be
endagered
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endangered
 by the mere presence of unknown guests. A recent study conducted by VOX
,
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apply
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 depicted the alarming extinction of endemic
species
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 from the Amazon Rainforest
due to
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 the increase of tourism in the area. The percentage of
this
Linking Words
species
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 has been reduced to almost
its
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apply
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half since
last
Linking Words
 year.
Therefore
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, it is mandatory to indicate the protection and presence of these
species
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 to
prospect
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prospective
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Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 is necessary, in order to not only guarantee
a
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apply
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protection
to
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for
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 the
species
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 to create
councious
Correct your spelling
consciousness
 about them as well.
Additionally
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, for indigenous milieus nature plays a key role in religious rituals or practices. To illustrate, the 'Makuk' community from the Amazon region adopted natural elements as their gods since the year
of
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apply
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500 B.C. They had marked the Tropical Andean Lagoon to practice their rituals, and is considered for them as a 'sanctuary'.
However
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, since the year 2000, there has been a diaspora of 'eco-tourism' around the sacred area of the Makuk community; even some of the
tourist
Use synonyms
 documented and recorded their rituals, without any permission from them.
Hence
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, the solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem involves a shared effort between local governments
as well as
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 indigenous
communities
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, to limit their sacred spaces, countering with other natural spaces the
tourist
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 can actually visit without
irrumping
Correct your spelling
irrupting
 in their customs.
To conclude
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,
while
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 it is noble to visit and travel to specific
natural
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naturally
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preseved
Correct your spelling
preserved
preserve
 areas, these practices could unleash potential damage to not only endemic creatures from
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 places
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 to the aboriginal
communities
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 who have been devoting their life to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 their sacred spaces intact. It is important to find a balance, through local government
inniatiatives
Correct your spelling
initiatives
 to delimit sacred territory, and with specific warnings to
this
Linking Words
tourist
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 about
natukeeping
Correct your spelling
gatekeeping
 practices, in order to strike a balance that could benefit both of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 parties.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the main issues and your conclusion effectively summarises your essay. Your introduction could be more direct in presenting the topic and its significance, while your conclusion should encapsulate your key points and restate your stance effectively.
Grammar & Spelling
Be careful with spelling, grammar, and typographical errors, such as 'trespassing' spelled as 'treespassing', 'species could be endangered' spelled as 'endagered', and 'conscious' spelled as 'councious'. Such mistakes can impede understanding.
Paragraph Use
Use paragraphs to clearly separate your ideas, making each one focus on a specific aspect of the topic. This will improve the essay's organization and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Linking & Connectivity
To improve coherence, use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas within and between paragraphs. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Depth of Examples
Provide a wider range of examples to support your arguments. While the examples you gave are relevant, adding more can strengthen your essay by showcasing a broader understanding of the issue.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fragile ecosystems
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural dilution
  • commodification
  • economic disparities
  • resource strain
  • community involvement
  • empowerment
  • sustainable practices
  • ecological footprint
  • responsible behavior
  • fair distribution
What to do next:
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