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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some think increasing business and cultural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the dissappearance of national identity. Discuss both Views and state your own opinion.

#think #business #contact #nations #dissappearance #identity
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People nowadays
,
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apply
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 are able to connect and trade in any part of the world. It is commonly believed by one school of thought that positive change has been brought by
Correct article usage
the commercing
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commercing
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commercial
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 of goods and cultural associations,
while
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 naysayers opine that it is fading the nationality of concerned citizens. Well, I personally favour the former viewpoint and
this
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 essay will highlight the backing reasons for the given perspectives in the subsequent paragraphs. Diverse points endorse the compelling reasons for the former viewpoint. The principal among all is,
international
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that international
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 businesses have helped in the upliftment of
national
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the national
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 economy. Since the companies have started investing in the international markets, the
cashflow
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cash flow
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 between the various
countries
Use synonyms
 has helped in the
overall
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 growth of
GDP
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the GDP
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 of the involved nations.
Secondly
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, in terms of cultural exchange, people are inclining more towards festivals of other religions. The migration of residents has brought
this
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 change
along with
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 more peace and unity among individuals of varied
countries
Use synonyms
,
although
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 earlier it was less common .
For instance
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, western
countries
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 have pupils from almost every nation
due to
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 which
cross culturalism
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cross-culturalism
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 has evolved.
Thus
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, connections among nations not only
boosts
Correct subject-verb agreement
boost
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 the development of developing
countries
Use synonyms
,
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apply
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 but
also
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has made
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make
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 adults
to
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apply
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accept
multi-cultures
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cultures
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. Turning to the other side, some compelling reasons
also
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 favour the latter viewpoint. Primarily, folks have completely soaked themselves in the
western
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Western
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 culture. Even if there are elders at home to keep youngers rooted to their ground, the influence of
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the western
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Correct article usage
the western
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Capitalize word
Western
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western
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Western
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 environment has adversely impacted
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apply
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the
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apply
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young minds. As youth
is
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are
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 more interested in K-Pop culture, it means they are forgetting their folk songs, mother language, traditional attires and ethnic dishes.
For example
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, nowadays,
couple
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couples
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 have ditched the idea of getting married in
traditional
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the traditional
a traditional
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 way at holy temples,
instead
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 they are following a
western
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Western
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 way of getting hitched in a court.
Besides
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this
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, with regard to global commerce, customers have more faith in international brands than the home country brands,
consequently
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, small businesses are suffering to
great
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a great
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 extent.
Therefore
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, the more the individuals are affected by the modernisation of
west of
Replace the word
Western
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 nations, the less are the chances of cultural identity
maintance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 by them. Having discussed above, it can be inferred that no doubt, partnerships between international companies and westernisation among people have hampered
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ethnic uniqueness.
Nonetheless
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, I personally believe that these determinants have enhanced the global economy
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 interpersonal relations have proved that humanity is above any caste, creed and colour.
Submitted by navkiranji on

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Introduction Improvement
Begin with a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and clearly states your opinion. This sets the stage for your argument.
Logical Structure
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to this topic throughout the paragraph. Use cohesive devices like linking words ('however,' 'furthermore,' 'for instance') to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with specific examples. These examples should be detailed and relevant to the argument you are making. They are crucial for convincing the reader of your viewpoint.
Conclusion Improvement
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points discussed and reiterating your opinion. This helps in closing your argument cohesively and reinforces your stance on the issue.
Lexical Resource Enhancement
Work on expanding the range and accuracy of your vocabulary. While your essay demonstrates a good level of English, a wider lexical resource can help better express your ideas and contribute to a higher score.
Grammar and Sentence Structure
Pay attention to sentence structure variety. Your essay shows a tendency to use simple structures. Experimenting with complex sentences can help improve the overall sophistication of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • International cooperation
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Dominant cultures
  • Local economies
  • National heritage
  • Global citizenship
  • Mutual respect
  • Tolerance
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