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Writing Samples
Band 5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #automation #labour #hours
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Modern machinery and automatic processes have decreased the manual working
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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of
Change preposition
for
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 people.
Therefore
 I would suggest manual
labour
 should be reduced which makes life easy for the people but has a huge disadvantage when it comes to the community who faces tough challenges every day trying to endeavor
opportunity
 and freedom to earn for their families. Nowadays when looking from the company's point of view it seems better and easy for them to make their effort efficient.
For instance
, there are companies which use
robotics
Replace the word
robotic
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 machinery which is automated to
performance
Replace the word
perform
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accordingly
 for their day-to-day production, but
this
 automation has two sides to it because if the robots do not perform well enough, a lot of money and time has to be applied to them to trial efficiently.
According to
 the comparison of machinery and manual
labour
, working
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 seem to be more on the technologically based production and for man working hours, it may depend because in an organization not every person works at the same job rate as robots who struggle at a consistent level which is produced by the system.
Therefore
 I think that automation plays a crucial role but if you tick the right boxes manual
labour
 can
also
 play it right thinking as to where and why you are using them in a company. So 'money and time' are the only two factors affecting
this
 modern computer-based production and manual industry. In conclusion, I agree with the condition 'yes' modern automation plays a crucial part in working
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 but manual
labour
 can
also
 be applied to the same, but without decreasing working freedom in both departments the organization can efficiently achieve the ultimate goal or even exceed it to many more challenges.
Submitted by khalid.al-rashidi3 on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, make sure your essay directly addresses the topic at hand throughout. Clearly state your position at the beginning and support your argument with specific, relevant examples. Aim for a more complete response by fully developing your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by organizing your essay more logically. Use clear paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. Connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly by using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
To bolster your supporting main points, include more detailed examples and explanations to back up your claims. Make your argument stronger by showing how your examples specifically relate to the prompt given.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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