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Writing Samples
Band 4

n companies promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company , not to someone from outsiders or new hiring. Do you agree or disagree?

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The debate over whether
promotions
Use synonyms
 to senior
positions
Use synonyms
 should be reserved for internal candidates or opened to external applicants is crucial within corporate governance.
This
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 essay argues in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of internal
promotions
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, highlighting their numerous benefits for both the employee and the organization.
Firstly
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, promoting from within acknowledges and rewards the loyalty and hard work of existing employees.
This
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 not only boosts morale but
also
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 motivates staff to aspire
for
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to
show examples
 higher
positions
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, cultivating a culture of ambition and continuous improvement.
For instance
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, a survey by LinkedIn highlighted that companies with high internal mobility retain employees for an average of 5.4 years, compared to 2.9 years at firms with low mobility.
This
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 demonstrates how internal
promotions
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 can significantly enhance job satisfaction and company loyalty.
Moreover
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, internal candidates inherently possess a deeper understanding of the company's operations, culture, and values.
This
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 intimate knowledge allows them to hit the ground running in new
positions
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, avoiding the steep learning curve external hires might face. Indeed, statistics from the Wharton School of Business indicate that external hires are 61% more likely to be fired than those promoted from within, suggesting that internal
promotions
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 lead to more successful tenure in high
positions
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. In conclusion,
while
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 external hiring can bring fresh perspectives, the advantages of internal
promotions
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 in terms of employee motivation, loyalty, and the utilization of existing knowledge far outweigh
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 benefits from outside hires. Companies should,
therefore
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, prioritize grooming current employees for senior roles, ensuring a more dedicated, knowledgeable, and cohesive leadership team.

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task response
Expand your introduction by providing more context around the debate on internal vs. external hiring, and clearly state your position to make your thesis statement more impactful.
task response
In your body paragraphs, while you've provided excellent examples and reasoning, further strengthen your argument by contrasting it with possible benefits of external hiring and then refuting these points to solidify your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the readability and cohesiveness of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each main point in your body paragraphs is introduced with a clear topic sentence, explained thoroughly, and then summarized or linked back to your thesis to improve the structure and clarity of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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