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Writing Samples
Band 4

Crimes committed by teenagers are increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

#crimes #teenagers
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Nowadays, crimes committed by teenagers have been an issue in our society.
For
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this
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 reason, a lot of people have concluded a lack of parenting in their younger days most commonly because of their negative environment. life lessons are truly important , especially for a better path it could lead for certain people. Sometimes,
this
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 happening around us is out of our control, not to say that we are normalizing Juvenile acts but rather that those people have their reason for it.
Therefore
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, picking the right environment for one to grow up in is very important.
For instance
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, a child growing up with support from both their parents and friends that support each other.
On the other hand
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, cases of abandonment have been major trouble, which in fact is one among many other reasons for crimes committed by teenagers. Not only the environment
,
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 but parenting and adult supervision at a young age a cruel part of life growth. In conclusion, the increase in crime cases committed by youngsters is
also
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due to
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 the things surrounding them.
Although
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 every problem has a core in each person,
but
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despite , I believe that the support and enthusiasm for humanity to care deeply about the beginning of these habits could lead one's life to a better path
Submitted by syaaakhansa on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic adequately, but lacks depth in the analysis. Aim to develop your ideas more fully, explaining the reasons behind teenage crimes and offering a range of solutions.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Drawing from real-life scenarios or statistical data can make your essay more persuasive and grounded.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay can be improved. Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea connected to your overall argument. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction that outlines the topic and your main points, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your argument and restates your position. Your essay has them, but they could be more impactful and clear.
coherence cohesion
Avoid grammatical errors and typos to improve the readability of your essay. Consider using grammar-checking tools or asking someone to proofread your work.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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