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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014.

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014.
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The graph below displays the percentages of males in three
age
Use synonyms
 categories who did have a job in 1984, 2001 and 2014 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that
age
Use synonyms
categorie
Correct your spelling
categories
 35 to 44 showed the highest percentage versus
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
age
Use synonyms
 60-64 as they showed the lowest result.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
age
Use synonyms
categorie
Correct your spelling
categories
categorise
 which increased gradually were people over 60-64. In 1984 the
age
Use synonyms
 group from 15-19 illustrated about 55% but
then
Linking Words
 in
2014
Add a comma
2014,
show examples
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals who demonstrated
age
Use synonyms
 35-44 did not
made
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 many changes over the years, they remained unchanged.What about the people aged 60-64 they went up
noticably
Correct your spelling
noticeably
,from 27% to
appraoximantly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 50%.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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