A report indicated that many children between 7 and 11 years old watch television and/or play video games too much. How does the problem affect? What measures can be taken to control it?

#report #children #years #television #video #games #measures #control

Most youngsters aged 7 to 11 years old spend lots of

time

enjoying video games and watching

television

This

essay will identify the components contributing to

this

and discuss some solutions. There are some reasons why children like to watch

television

and play video games. One crucial factor is the

parents

rules

, giving them flexible

time

to spend on their screen

time

Parents

should have strict

time

management,

such

as creating daily schedules for youngsters. If they do not follow the

rules

parents

should give punishment so they know the consequences of their bad habits.

Furthermore

parents

could give advice first and be role models for them, so if they want to complain about the

rules

, they do not have many reasons.

Consequently

, kids will follow the

rules

, limiting their

time

to the habit so that it can create excellent manners since their childhood.

Parents

should confine the internet

access

to youngsters using mobiles or devices on school days. If kids have homework that needs the World Wide Web

access

parents

can give them

access

but with supervision.

Moreover

parents

have the authority to limit the channels on

television

;

hence

, they lack interest in

television

because it will be boring. In

this

regard, they are looked perplexed, and

this

is the chance for

parents

to support them in studying or deep-talk with them. In conclusion, the reasons behind children’s tendency to watch TV or enjoy electronic games include inadequate

time

management from

parents

and the availability of internet

access

. For solutions,

parents

should create strict

rules

and enlighten kids about habits and activities.

Submitted by Crowns on Thu Feb 29 2024

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task achievement

Ensure you are fully addressing the prompt by delving deeper into how the problem affects children and society rather than just stating the problem and jumping straight to solutions. Expand on the effects before discussing solutions.

coherence & cohesion

Use a broader range of transition words and phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas. Consider linking sentences more seamlessly within paragraphs and between them to enhance readability and coherence.

coherence & cohesion

To strengthen coherence and cohesion, work on developing a clear thematic progression. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea that is explored in depth, with supporting details that vividly illustrate your points.

task achievement

Integrate more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. Using concrete examples helps to clarify your points and make your arguments more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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A report indicated that many children between 7 and 11 years old watch television and/or play video games too much. How does the problem affect? What measures can be taken to control it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that technological advancements have made our lives simpler and more convenient, while others argue that these developments have led to a loss of important life skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is predicted that robots are going to become increasingly important in our lives. How could robots be used in the future? Will this development be a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others believe that zoos are beneficial for the conservation of endangered species. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by other in the same age. This is called peer pressure. Do the disadvantages outweighed the advantages?