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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household.The second chart shows the greenhouse gas amissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household.The second chart shows the greenhouse gas amissions which result from this energy use.
The first
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the
proportions
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 of the average
of
Change preposition
apply
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household
energy
Use synonyms
 used in Australia.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 second
chart
Use synonyms
 describes the Australian household greenhouse emissions
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because of the
energy
Use synonyms
 used. The water heating
energy
Use synonyms
 used and the greenhouse gas emissions which it causes both account for a large proportion. What’s more cooling always stays at a low level.
While
Linking Words
 for other parts the
proportions
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 of the same category are different. The Australian household
energy
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 use which
are
Change the verb form
is
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 over 20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 heating and water heating. The proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heating is 42
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and it’s
also
Linking Words
 the most. The other one is the 30
percent
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. For the greenhouse gas emissions part, the kinds over 20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 are water heating and other appliances. They are 32
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 28
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. What’s more the
proportions
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 of refrigeration, cooling, lighting and other appliances in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chart
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 one are all lower than 20
percent
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. Cooling is the lowest which is 2
percent
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. In the second
chart
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 the
proportions
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 of refrigeration, lighting, heating and cooling are lower than 20
percent
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, and cooling
also
Linking Words
 the one takes the smallest proportion which is just 3
percent
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, proportions, energy, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 7 times.
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