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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sport activities by youngest and oldest population in the US in 2015.

the chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sport activities by youngest and oldest population in the US in 2015.
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The chart illustrates youngest and oldest people how
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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spend their time on a daily basis in leisure and sports activities in the US in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 individuals prefer to do relaxing events because watching TV was the highest number in the group of teenagers and elder people
on
Change preposition
in
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 the six different activities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the average time of teenagers and elderly people who watched TV was 2.4 and 4.5
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively every day
,
Remove the comma
apply
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while
Linking Words
 relaxing and thinking was the lowest in the ages of 15 to 19, and individuals who were over 75 years old didn't like to do the exercise and sports, which was only 0.2
hours
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the second rank among adolescents was playing games, which was approximately 1.2
hours
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
,
oldest
Add an article
an oldest
the oldest
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 person would like to read for 1 hour per day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was a similar number for socializing and communicating in the two ranges, which was 0.8
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • average hours
  • leisure activities
  • sport activities
  • youngest population
  • oldest population
  • trends
  • differences
  • data
  • overview
  • body paragraph
  • introduction
  • conclusion
  • summarize
  • observations
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