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Band 5

Some people believe that it would be better for large companies and factories to move to rural areas outside of large urban centres. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion.

#people #companies #factories #move #areas #centres
A number of
folk
Change to a plural noun
folks
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 are concerned that huge industrial
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
such
 as factories ought to be impelled to outskirt areas
instead
 of city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
This
 may cause numerous merits and demerits. In
this
 essay,
this
 issue is going to be argued. Many people believe that residential areas are not suitable for trade
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
such
 as large companies.
Hence
, they should be placed far from dwelling zones.
However
, many workers who live in cities do not tend to go to work in those
association
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
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 in terms of distance. It would be hard for those who do not have personal
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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 and ought to either use public transportation or vehicles that may be provided by employers.
Although
 the companies offer decent salaries and welfare, it seems utterly difficult for typical workers.
For example
, if employees ought to go far from their homes, they would wake up extremely early and it causes a sense of being tired and nervous. Moving business
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 out of the living areas definitely can reduce air pollution dramatically. Especially in large cities, by trans locating
cooperative
Fix the agreement mistake
cooperatives
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 in rural space, the air will be cleaner as pollution from factories is removed.
In addition
, in
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a plethora of
wasteland
Fix the agreement mistake
wastelands
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 that can be changed into
industrial
Correct article usage
an industrial
show examples
 field. Business owners have the opportunity to find their considered land at affordable prices. In conclusion, changing the situation of trade
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 from city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 has both beneficial points and drawbacks.
Although
 experiencing long trips for arriving to the industry for workers is strongly tough, moving companies and factories may cause declining air pollution.
Also
,
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
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 can find their appropriate ranges readily
with
Change preposition
at
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 affordable prices.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Consider rewriting it for clarity and to directly address the question.
Task Achievement
Improve the development of main ideas by expanding your examples with more details and specific situations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of linking words to show relationships between ideas more clearly, enhancing the essay's coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize paragraphs effectively, starting with a topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. This structure aids in achieving better logical flow.
General
Check and refine your essay for grammatical accuracy and the variety of sentence structures to improve readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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