Today more and more people are using mobile phone and computer. Thus, the communication ability is losing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,many
people
use a smartphone or laptop.
Therefore
, they are losing the ability to
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
. In
this
essay, I will discuss the main reason why I agree with
this
statement. The primary reason why
people
are losing their ability to
comunication
Correct your spelling
communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
each other is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they spend a lot of time on social media rather than have a good experience in life with their family or friends. When
people
go to a restaurant, they
are worry
Change the verb form
are worried
show examples
about photos or videos
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
on
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
or
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they should be talking to other
people
. A clear example of
this
is the influencers, when they go to a concert or event, they only post photographs.
However
, they don't enjoy the concert or event because they do not socialize
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
other
people
. The secondary reason why the use of gadgets has an impact on
people
's communication is that
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
and computers are more comfortable when
people
send a
message
. Today,
people
send a text with emojis or voice
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
even when is necessary
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
a deep conversation because is more
esay
Correct your spelling
easy
essay
and practical to send an email or
message
.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
they are not able to communicate in person what they need or desire.
For instance
, parents spend many hours on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
or
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
for their work.
However
, when they need to talk to their children, they do not know how to start a conversation with them. In conclusion, I believe that when
people
use cell phones and computers they could
be lose
Change the verb form
lose
show examples
their ability to
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
because they spend many hours on social media and when they need to talk to someone they prefer
send
Add the particle
to send
show examples
a
message
rather than have a conversation.
Submitted by Vlguerrero7 on

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Task Achievement
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Focus on developing clear and comprehensive ideas. This involves expanding on your points with detailed explanations or more specific, varied examples to solidify your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate a wider range of cohesive devices and vary your sentence structures to aid the logical flow of ideas. This enhances coherence throughout your essay.
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Work on introducing distinctly clear and relevant examples to bolster your main points. Try to use real-world, tangible examples when possible, as this helps in substantiating your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion succinctly encapsulate the main points and your stance on the topic. A stronger, more explicit thesis statement could improve the introduction.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Global connections
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Communication skills
  • Digital divide
  • Social networks
  • Virtual communication
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Cognitive empathy
  • Digital literacy
  • Social isolation
  • Cyber communication
  • Non-verbal cues
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
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