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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
I agree that rich countries
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not solve poverty by giving the poorer
country
 money. The main reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 it does not help the economic situation in
poorer
Add an article
the poorer
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 to move. They will just
using
Change the verb form
use
be using
show examples
 the money for the things that not going back in return. Personally, I believe making a
program
 to help poorer
country
 to understand how to make things work will be better. The
program
 can be started
with build
Change preposition
by building
show examples
 a
bonding
Replace the word
bond
show examples
 with the
country
 by sending help at
first,
it will increase gradually not only financial or physical needs but richer
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 can provide poorer
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 an education like
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 or building a new system in their education. For the second statement, I have to agree
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one side that developed countries can give other types of help rather than financial aid. The other type of help that they can give is volunteers, where they make a
program
 and assign groups of people from their
country
 to
be participating
Wrong verb form
participate
show examples
 in the
program
. They have to train the volunteers in terms of achieving the same goal
with
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as
show examples
 the
program
. Even though
this
program
 outline is simple, in practice it will be very complex and take
long
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a long
show examples
 time to launch
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. That's why I'm a bit disagree with the statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because developed countries
also
has
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have
show examples
 their agenda
to do
Verb problem
,
show examples
 and the
program
 will
cause
Verb problem
cost
show examples
 more money and time, they have to consider
this
 idea in terms of making it not meaningful and not aiming
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their goals.
Submitted by wand on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt. Develop your arguments with more in-depth analysis and a broader range of examples. Focus on clearly outlining the benefits and drawbacks of each argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve Coherence and Cohesion by structuring your essay more effectively. Use a clear introduction that presents your thesis statement, followed by well-organized paragraphs for each main point. Make sure to include a conclusion that summarizes your arguments. Use linking words to better connect your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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