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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city. While others think that life in the countryside is more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places.

#people #children #city #life #countryside #places
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While
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 a faction of
people
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 holds the notion that
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the best place to grow
up
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apply
show examples
juveniles
Use synonyms
, others argue that metropolitan
cities
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 are suitable for them.
This
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 essay will delve into both viewpoints with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, one of the obvious advantages of the
cities
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 for the young
people
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 to grow up is the accessibility of facilities.
In other words
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, the
people
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 who
living
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live
show examples
 in
cities
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 can
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
 access
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
such
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 as libraries and sports
centers
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centres
show examples
 for their academic
as well as
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 lifestyle purposes.
For example
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, around three thousand sports
facilites
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facilities
 are available in the metropolitan area
in
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of
show examples
 Dubai.
Similarly
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, the students can
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
 access to high standard schools as renowned school campuses are located in
cities
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 around the globe. The main disadvantage of
cities
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 is the fast-paced lifestyle. Since the parents in urban
areas
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 would have
an
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a
show examples
 hectic lifestyle,
juveniles
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 might feel isolated and
depend
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depend on
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 online platforms like Facebook to connect
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people
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with people
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 which may
detrimental
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be detrimental
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for
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to
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 their studies.
On the other hand
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,
major
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a major
show examples
 advantage
in
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of
show examples
 the
countryside
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 is less pollution compared to urban
areas
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. In detail, the children who grow up in rural
areas
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 can enjoy not only fresh air but
also
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 fresh water.
Moreover
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, the
countryside
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 would have more green space which will help for the physical and mental well-being of
juveniles
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. For
examples
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example
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, it is true that, in the
countryside
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,
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the
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carbon emission rate is much lower than
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cities
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in cities
show examples
. The demerit of the children
raise
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raised
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 in the
countryside
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 is
difficulty
Correct article usage
the difficulty
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to commute
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in commuting
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 to educational institutions. Since few academic facilities are available in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
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, the
juveniles
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 may commute to longer
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 for schooling. In conclusion, accessibility of facilities is the major advantage of the
cities
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 for
juveniles
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,
however
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, isolation and overuse of online media are the considerable disadvantages.
Lower
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The lower
A lower
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 level of pollution is the main attraction in the
countryside
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, ergo,
commute
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commuting
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 to school is a challenge
in
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for
show examples
 the students of
this
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 area.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a well-structured argument addressing both views, but there's room to enhance the support for your main points with more detailed examples. Including specific, real-world instances could strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve coherence. While your essay flows reasonably well, more sophisticated connectors could help to make the transitions between ideas smoother and more natural.
General
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and typos, as these can distract from the overall quality of your essay. Proofreading your work can help you identify and correct these mistakes.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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