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Writing Samples
Band 5

Tourism is a modern form of colonialism. It distorts local economies, causes environmental damage, ruins the places it exploits. To what extent do you agree?

#tourism #form #colonialism #economies #damage #ruins #places #exploits
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The concept of modern
tourism
 closely mirrors practices of colonialism, particularly in how often it exploits and ruins the host community. I firmly agree with
this
 notion,
tourism
 degrades local economies through the creation of a monoculture solely based on
tourism
, which can undermine traditional livelihoods, and,
also
 induces a heavy strain on natural resources, pollution, and damage to the fragile ecosystems caused by
influx
Add an article
the influx
an influx
show examples
 of tourists.
Tourism
 has plenty of economic benefits, but
due to
 the commodification of
people
, land and other productive assets, the country's
industries
 are underinvested
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
causing
Verb problem
making
show examples
tourism
 the sole service sector to provide indigenous
people
 with well-paying jobs.
For example
, in Greece, after the financial market crash of 2008, Greece’s manufacturing
industries
 and
ship building
Correct your spelling
shipbuilding
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industries
 had to close down,
due to
 which many
people
 previously employed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 those
industries
 had to find jobs
elsewhere
, the
tourism
 sector opened its doors and provided them with employment. In
present day
Add a hyphen
present-day
show examples
 Greece, those productive
industries
 are nowhere to be found and millions of
people
 continue to work in the fluctuating
tourism
 industry.
Secondly
, environmental degradation is
also
 a massive concern, whilst visitors flock to
sight seeing
Correct your spelling
sightseeing
show examples
 spots present in various countries, human interaction undermines the untouched and fragile ecosystems present in those areas.
For Instance
, in 1680s America, when the Native Americans held
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of prairie, their main source of food was Bison, seeing
this
, American settlers paid bounties and tried to completely exterminate the population of Bison, the major food source of the natives, so that they would starve to death. Whilst,
this
being
Wrong verb form
is
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 a drastic example of human interaction, it is
nonetheless
 a poignant one to explain how visitors may influence and ruin the
people
 living in the host country. In conclusion,
tourism
 often involves cultural overshadowing of the host communities
along with
 the degradation of the environment, in part
due to
 the visitor's actions.
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task achievement
Ensure your essay introduces the topic clearly and concludes with a strong summary of your points. Your essay does this well, but refining your introduction and conclusion to more precisely address the prompt can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by linking them more directly to the prompt. The examples provided are relevant but delve deeper into how these instances directly support your thesis.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Use transitional phrases to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
In terms of cohesion, aim to vary your sentence structures for a more engaging read. This also helps in clearly conveying your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • cultural overshadowing
  • monoculture
  • traditional livelihoods
  • fluctuating tourism industry
  • environmental degradation
  • natural resources
  • ecosystems
  • infrastructure development
  • loss of authenticity
  • commodification
  • sustainable tourism
  • ethical practices
  • economic benefits
  • cultural exchange
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