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Band 5.5

Some people think the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts
Each government and authority gave funding to the
art
 society;
however
, some
people
 including me are strongly of the opinion that
this
 is a type of money money and is not a profitable action that all social classes can use. Arts are the highest form of entertainment.
People
 are used to working on
art
 as their pastime, so
art
 is not a priority in their lives.
Also
, only a limited percentage of
people
 have been interested in
art
,
in other
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
art
 and having artistic activity is a selective act beside
art
 is not an action that all citizens can benefit from.
For example
, only a few
people
 are musically gifted and may be successful in
this
 way or just a specific part of
people
 tend to participate in some places with artistic atmospheres like exhibitions, and theatre. so for pay in
art
, it is better for each person to pay separately without getting funds from the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
. Improvement in healthcare services and educational systems are two major aims for achieving a successful society. So, the government should fund more in these centres rather than in
art
 venues to increase the rate of both physical and mental health of their
people
,
also
 updating the methods of education can boost the level of intelligence and knowledge among all citizens;since,When each society is prosperous that all of their
people
 have high rate of health and knowledge. In conclusion, I believe that the government have to spend money to enhance the quality of health and education facilities
instead
 of
art
 so that all
people
 have access to benefit from these.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear opinion throughout and directly addresses the question. Consider both sides of the argument, even if you choose to argue predominantly for one side.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas more effectively and ensure a smoother flow of information.
Task Achievement
Provide more concrete examples to support your points. Use specific scenarios, statistics, or studies to make your argument more convincing.
General
Check for and correct grammatical errors and typos to improve readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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