Some people think the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts

Each government and authority gave funding to the

art

society;

however

, some

people

including me are strongly of the opinion that

this

is a type of money money and is not a profitable action that all social classes can use. Arts are the highest form of entertainment.

People

are used to working on

art

as their pastime, so

art

is not a priority in their lives.

Also

, only a limited percentage of

people

have been interested in

art

in other

words

Add a comma

words,

show examples

art

and having artistic activity is a selective act beside

art

is not an action that all citizens can benefit from.

For example

, only a few

people

are musically gifted and may be successful in

this

way or just a specific part of

people

tend to participate in some places with artistic atmospheres like exhibitions, and theatre. so for pay in

art

, it is better for each person to pay separately without getting funds from the

governments

Fix the agreement mistake

government

show examples

. Improvement in healthcare services and educational systems are two major aims for achieving a successful society. So, the government should fund more in these centres rather than in

art

venues to increase the rate of both physical and mental health of their

people

also

updating the methods of education can boost the level of intelligence and knowledge among all citizens;since,When each society is prosperous that all of their

people

have high rate of health and knowledge. In conclusion, I believe that the government have to spend money to enhance the quality of health and education facilities

instead

art

so that all

people

have access to benefit from these.

Submitted by TUTOO on Fri Mar 01 2024

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Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas more effectively and ensure a smoother flow of information.

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Provide more concrete examples to support your points. Use specific scenarios, statistics, or studies to make your argument more convincing.

General

Check for and correct grammatical errors and typos to improve readability.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.

Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
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Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

enriching society
promoting cultural understanding
development of talent
creative industries
economic benefits
generate revenue
cultural heritage
identity
prioritize spending
needs of the majority

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