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Band 3.5

All fathers should be entitled to time-off from work when their children are born. What is your opinion?

#fathers #time-off #work #children
Some people hold of view that new
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 should have the right to take
time
 off
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 work when they have
infant
Add an article
an infant
show examples
 child. In my opinion,
due to
 mental
support
as well as
 an
assistaning
Correct your spelling
assistance
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 household chores from
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 to the child and mother, I agree with
this
 approach. To
being
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with,
fathers
 can provide emotional
support
 to their wives.
That is
 to say, mother are very sensitive and irritable during
postpartum
Add an article
the postpartum
show examples
 period,
therefore
 they need to be accompanied by their husbands during
this
time
. Take the lack of psychological and emotional
support
 from the spouse,
causing
Change the form of the verb
caused
show examples
 by hormonal changes and can increase depression and stress for an example; they will alleviate the bond between family members.
In addition
,
fathers
 can help their wives with household chores. Since mothers have to devote their
time
 both to raising their children and doing household chores
such
 as cleaning and cooking. It is necessary for
fathers
 to help their
spouse
Fix the agreement mistake
spouses
show examples
 in
this
 way and reduce physical pressure.
Therefore
, helping mothers will
stike
Correct your spelling
strike
 a balance between doing housework and fostering children and will warm the heart of the family. In conclusion, it is necessary for
fathers
 to take
time
 off because it can help mothers
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 mental and physical
support
 and doing housework.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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Task Achievement
Expand on the range of examples you provide to support your points. Including specific, real-life examples will enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it cohesively support that idea. This strengthens the logical flow of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid repeating words and phrases. Use synonyms or rephrase sentences to display a wider range of vocabulary and improve readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Review the grammatical structure and punctuation of your sentences for accuracy and clarity. This will contribute to both the coherence of the essay and its overall professionalism.
Task Achievement
To further enhance your task achievement score, consider addressing potential counterarguments to your view and explaining why your perspective remains valid. This shows critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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