In some cultures, Children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?
Now a days
, Correct the word
Nowadays
competition
is important
part of life. As we see world is full of Add an article
an important
competition
. Every field whether it is study, work and games all have competition
. In this
essay, we will discuss some advances and disadvantages of encouraging children
to compete with each other.
Firstly
, we will discuss some benefits as
if toddlers compete with each other Correct word choice
apply
then
they become more strong
to face more competitive challenges in future which builds their confidence and Correct word choice
stronger
also
they can improve
their skills. By doing Wrong verb form
improves
this
, they will know their weak points and start working on them in their life as early as possible. They can also
become scholar
in studies, games and competitive exams in childhood which helps in their bright career in future.
As we know Add an article
a scholar
that
all things have two sides. There are some disadvantages of teaching scholars to compete with others as Correct word choice
apply
this
will create violent behaviour in them and they become selfish. This
will also
helps
in creating higher stress Change the verb form
help
level
in toddlers Fix the agreement mistake
levels
in
a very Change preposition
at
younger
age. Correct word choice
young
This
will also
affect their overall
development and performance in negative
way. If they Change the article
a negative
have
Verb problem
are
stress
to always do Replace the word
stressed
best
in every field, they will not be able to perform even a single task better.
Correct pronoun usage
their best
This
will also
destroy destroy
their relationships with other Remove the redundancy
apply
children
if they are always see
them as Change the verb form
always see
a competitors
. We know that human Correct the article-noun agreement
competitors
a competitor
being
are social Fix the agreement mistake
beings
animal
. They cannot live without a group of people. If in Fix the agreement mistake
animals
the
early age, we teach Correct article usage
an
children
to compete with them and be first in every field from
Change preposition
apply
them
. If affects negatively. These things destroy relationships and Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
mental health of children
. In future, they will not get any success in their life.
As we know disadvantages outweigh the advances. So, encouraging children
towards competition
with their fellow beings is not a good thing.Submitted by Kamaljeetkaur6968 on
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coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively. Structure your paragraphs so that there’s a clear distinction between the advantages and disadvantages. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should more clearly introduce the topic and your stance on it, while your conclusion should summarize the points made and restate your overall opinion.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. While you've identified advantages and disadvantages, providing more detailed examples will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more engaging.
general language improvement
Work on your grammar and vocabulary. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases throughout your essay. Improving your language skills will help you communicate your ideas more clearly and effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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