IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

You work for an international company and you need some time off to attend a family celebration. 1. give details of the celebration. 2. Explain the reason why you need time off 3. suggest a way to have your work done during that time.

#work #company #time #celebration #reason
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to ask you to give me a month off my work. First of all, I would like to write about I decided on my daddy's 40th birthday and I have to plan for his birthday. So I need almost one month for
this
. I chose a fishing restaurant near the Forbidden City for the celebration.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 I have to buy
a
Change the article
an
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 expensive and good quality laptop.
In addition
 to
this
, I have to book into yacht.Because my dad
Add a missing verb
is interest
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interest
Replace the word
interested
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a
Change preposition
in a
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lot of
boat
Change to a plural noun
boats
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 and
hunt
Wrong verb form
hunting
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 fish.I want to
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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watch beautiful sightseeing scenery.Added to
this
, when I was young he told me his ambitions.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 he wanted
own
Correct pronoun usage
his own
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 yacht.So I need a lot of time for
this
. What I want to suggest is,if you could give me a month for my celebration when I come back
my
Change preposition
from my
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 job and I work extra time for
this
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 I will work online. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Parizoda.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs specifying the details of the celebration and your reasons, and a conclusion. Use one paragraph for each main idea.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'In addition to this' and 'Furthermore' are correctly used but ensure the ideas connected are related.
task achievement
Address the task directly by explaining why you specifically need an entire month off and how your work will be managed in your absence. Specify the dates if possible and outline a plan for your duties.
task achievement
Where possible, include specific examples and details to support your points. For instance, explain briefly how you plan to work extra time upon your return or work online during your leave.
coherence cohesion
Review basic grammar rules and practice punctuating complex sentences appropriately to enhance clarity. Use connectors to smoothly link sentences and ideas together without repetition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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