Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Opinions are divided as to whether professionals like medical staff or engineers should stay and take a job in the
country
where they studied, or they should decide where they want to work
freely. I think all individuals should have an opportunity to make their choices
about their livesCorrect word choice
own choices
themselves
.
Governments spend a lot of money Correct pronoun usage
apply
for
Change preposition
on
training
Add an article
the training
work force
. Annually, they allocate a huge amount of countries' budget for education. individuals who study, use these funds, Correct your spelling
workforce
also
they are provided with many concessions while
studying, shuch
as free meals and transportation, or Correct your spelling
such
accessing
to amenities, like swimming pools and theatre Replace the word
access
perforemances
at a lower cost. Correct your spelling
performances
performance
Due to
this
, some individuals think, graduates should serve a community that
they have used their services, and Correct word choice
where
that is
a disloyalty to leave that country
and work
in another one.
However
, opponents believe that everybody should have chance
to choose where to study and where to Correct article usage
a chance
work
. Actually, there are many people who born
in a poor Add a missing verb
were born
country
where there is not enough infrastructure to study. Since,
they have to emigrate to access a high quality of education. But, in the future, they may crave to back to their hometown to live with their family and try to improve the situation of their Remove the comma
apply
country
with the science that they learnt before. In addition
, we can look at this
phenomenon as an exchanging
talents between countries, Replace the word
exchange of
while
students spread in
various locations in the world ,Change preposition
to
and
learn new things, and turn back to their homeland, they can Correct word choice
apply
have
benefit Unnecessary verb
apply
for
all.
All in all, Change preposition
apply
while
the host country
may provide many services and spends
money Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
for
training professionals, graduates should decide where to stay freely.Change preposition
on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs each dedicated to a specific point, and concluding with a summary of your views. This helps in maintaining coherence throughout your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the discussion and reiterate your stance, without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. While some were provided, enhancing them with more specificity or diversity could strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task, including discussing both views and providing your own opinion in a clear manner. Each view and your opinion should be explored in sufficient depth.
Task Achievement
Strive to present clear and comprehensive ideas by elaborating on each point with examples or further explanation. This not only aids clarity but also demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This enriches your essay and demonstrates an ability to relate abstract ideas to concrete examples, which is critical for the IELTS exam.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example