Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Nowadays, professional athletes play a pivotal role in influencing teenagers.
This
is the reason why many people
argue that positive influences outweigh the negative ones. In the following paragraphs, both of these perspectives will be thoroughly examined, and the opinion will be given in detail before a final conclusion is drawn
It is evident that young people
are vulnerable and can be easily influenced by the environment around them. Many sportsperson’s behaviour has been affecting the society in a positive way. For example
, Christiano Ronaldo, a professional footballer, aside from his distinctive talents, is also
famous for his dedication and consistency, both on and off the pitch. The young people
who want to be a footballers
can look up to him.
Correct the article-noun agreement
footballers
a footballer
On the other hand
, some professional athletes who are not well-behaved can have a negative influence on society. Some sportspersons used their fame in a bad way and were put into jail for what they had done. However
, young individuals can learn from what is the consequence of doing bad things, take it like a lesson learnt, and never follow.
Given these circumstances, there are both positive and negative effects on the behaviour of professional athletes on young people
. It seems to me that children will not be capable of understanding or making decisions because of their ages. They will not know what is good to imitate.
In conclusion, professional sportsmen can influence young people
in various aspects. From my perspective, parents should look after their children carefully and give suggestions on what is good or bad.Submitted by nnatthinee on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view of the topic, discussing both sides of the argument effectively. Try to deepen your analysis with more diverse examples and explicit links between your examples and the points they support.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it directly support that idea. Additionally, using a wider range of linking words could help improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
In your conclusion, while you provided a viewpoint, making a stronger, more developed personal stance on the topic could make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views on the influence of professional athletes efficiently, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a good structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
Your example of Cristiano Ronaldo effectively illustrates your point about positive influences, demonstrating good use of specific examples.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
