Some people say that people should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Other say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Children
's upbringing is a crucial responsibility of humans. Although
many people are in favour of group activities
, few believe in the individual approach. This
essay will discuss both
schools of thought. In my perspective, a balance between both
approaches is highly inevitable.
Organised group activities
help children
develop teamwork
skills
, social skills
, and a sense of community. These motivate us to cooperate with others and work towards a common goal. When children
interact with each other, they learn to respect other's views, find a quick solution to a problem from other's experiences, and share their thoughts towards task achievement which is essential for professional life. For instance
, the corporate sector highly endorses teamwork
because research shows that they can compete with other competitors when they have healthy teamwork
where employees support each other in company operations. Therefore
, through teamwork
humans effectively and efficiently mitigate challenges which otherwise
is not possible.
Individual activities
foster creativity, self-reliance, and independent thinking. By engaging in reading, drawing, and playing musical instruments adolescents become confident to learn new skills
, they do not need either constant supervision or peer approval. For example
, in the modern era, information technology is essential to society and improves at a fast pace. One needs to consistently master specific skills
as a result
all those who have the ability to work alone progress in their careers leaving others behind. Hence
, working individually leads to prosperity and independence in life.
In conclusion, both
group and individual activities
lead to a successful life. According to
me, children
should embrace both
phenomena to contribute to the betterment of themselves and others.Submitted by Haris Khan on
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Coherence & Cohesion
It's crucial to ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Consider using more transitional phrases and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Add a more detailed introduction that clearly outlines the structure of your essay and briefly introduces the points you will discuss. This helps to prepare the reader for what is to come.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing your main points further with more specific examples and explanations. Each main idea discussed should be supported by specific examples or further detail to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay fulfills the task by discussing both views and giving your opinion. To further improve, ensure every paragraph clearly relates back to the question prompt and your opinion on the matter.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples make your points more convincing and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
To make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, spend some time developing each point fully before moving on to the next. A deeper exploration of each point would enhance the reader's understanding and engagement with your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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