Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. So, sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In these latter days, numerous
consumption
products
are produced by adding
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of
sugar
. As
result
Add an article
a result
show examples
of that citizens have been getting
health
issues. It is
common
Add an article
a common
the common
show examples
opinion that
products
which
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
sugar
ought to be
fared
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more costly and it may lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
Change preposition
in a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
level of
consumption
sugar
. Here, I am going to describe my own opinion about
this
idea.
Furthermore
, I do not agree with that statement
due to
the fact there is no evidence of that. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
for
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
time it can provide great results.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
process will not be permanent. Individuals may suffer owing to the price of
product
Add an article
the product
a product
show examples
, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
sugar added
Add a hyphen
sugar-added
show examples
food or drink will attract them more and more and
finally
, they will not be able to force their desire. It is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
as keeping
strict
Add an article
a strict
show examples
diet. People who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
been struggling from consuming only healthy
products
for a week or months in the end can break
the
Change the word
their
show examples
diet and eat,
drink
Correct word choice
and drink
show examples
junk foods
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. I am confident with my position because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
I have seen similar situations in our country. Authorities increased
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
of tobacco
products
however
it has not
given
Verb problem
had
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
impact. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
the effective way
reduce
Fix the infinitive
to reduce
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
consumption
is only
encouraging
Change preposition
by encouraging
show examples
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
literacy level of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
. When people are
announced
Verb problem
informed
show examples
about
harm
Add an article
the harm
show examples
of
sugar
and how it can lead to heart attacks, diabetes
also
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
chronic disease which is the leading cause of death nowadays, they will be
intended
Verb problem
taking
show examples
care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
health
.
Sum
Fix the infinitive
To sum
show examples
up, making
too
Add an article
the too
show examples
expensive price of
sugar added
Add a hyphen
sugar-added
show examples
products
will not help in fighting with its
over
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
consumption
. The great means of reaching the best results
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
giving knowledge of
health
care
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
citizens.
Submitted by sayazhorabek9466 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop your argument more thoroughly by providing specific examples and evidence. This can help make your points more convincing and relevant, leading to a higher score in task response.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow and organization of your essay through the use of clearer topic sentences and transitional phrases. This can enhance the coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Try to include a more varied range of sentence structures and vocabulary to improve the sophistication of your writing. This can also help with the logical flow and clarity of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: