In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In recent times, data shows that the highest proportion of the population in many countries belonged to the elderly. Some consider it beneficial for societies,
while
some other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
lay
claim that it could be difficult for governments to deal with Correct word choice
apply
this
condition. The in-depth analysis in the following paragraphs intends to discuss why this
essay explores the negative points of the ageing communities outweigh the positive points.
Having old people in societies would obviously have some benefits. The elderly have been living a life which is filled with many noticeable experiences, so they could use the knowledge for the benefit of their communities. Take politics as an example, authorities mostly are individuals who have enough experience and knowledge that they have earned in
many years. It means that having Change preposition
over
this
option for a government would be absolutely useful based on the ground
that they are aware of various policies, rules, and regulations which youngsters might not know or even Fix the agreement mistake
grounds
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
migth
not care about at all.
Correct your spelling
might
On the other hand
, some drawbacks cannot be ignored. As it is obvious, this
age group need more healthcare such
as medicines, equipped hospitals, and powerful doctors. Not only does this
require a considerable amount of budget, but also
needs work labourers. Moreover
, this
could be challenging for governments to provide it. Additionally
, this
group are only consumers, they are unable to affect the economic or growth domestic production(GDP) of their countries. A clear example is farming, most of the farmers are experienced ones who have enough information about how to produce products like vegetables. As soon as,
they are unable to work, they would be consumers.
After scrutinizing both sides, what can be concluded is that Remove the comma
apply
although
the elderly people would be beneficial for the governments, because of all the costs they make for societies in general, they cannot be advantageous.Submitted by royakarimi435 on
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task achievement
Ensure your essay precisely addresses the prompt. The given essay does not directly tackle the topic of rural-urban migration but instead discusses the implications of an aging population. Focusing closely on the question asked is crucial for a higher Task Achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Develop a logical structure by clearly stating your thesis in the introduction, following this with paragraphs that support your argument, and concluding with a succinct summary of your views. Additionally, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
While you have mentioned examples, aiming for clear, directly relevant examples that firmly support your main point will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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