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Band 5

Nowadays, with the advancement of technology, people can work and live anywhere they want. Do its advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#advancement #technology #people #work
Some individuals believe that all
people
 deserve free healthcare ,
while
 others disagree .
This
 essay will examine the rationale behind both perspectives and assert my strong agreement with the latter viewpoints. On one hand , I agree that all
people
 should get free healthcare to have good treatment in any hospital .To explain ,some diseases cost a lot of
money
 ,so the
government
 should provide the patient with free medical care
Therefore
 , some big family they don't have that much
money
 to pay to take medical services for all family members. On the other hand, others argue that some medical care costs a lot of
money
 and the patient should pay half of the
money
 to get treatment .For example, ‏Some
people
 become seriously ill
due to
 their negligence.
However
, the
government
 is forced to pay a lot of
money
 to provide them with appropriate medicine.Recent research conducted by Suhar University shows that 85% of state
money
 is used in the medical field .To clarify ,the
government
 faced financial issues in order to supply high-quality medicine for the
people
 . In conclusion, all
people
 have the basic right to receive excellent health care, and in some cases,
people
 should pay the amount of
money
 for treatment and help the
government
.
Submitted by safia-93s on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and direct response to the essay question, directly addressing whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your essay seems to diverge into a different topic about free healthcare, which does not directly answer the given question.
coherence & cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by clearly separating and defining paragraphs that deal with advantages and disadvantages. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Back up your points with more specific examples or evidence that are directly related to the question. This helps strengthen your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by refining your arguments and making sure they are directly related to the topic. Avoid deviating from the main question and ensure that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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