Some people argue the government should support the funds for arts, while others suggest the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People have different points of view regarding whether the state should pay
fundings
for Fix the agreement mistake
funding
artestic
topics or for other issues like healthcare services and Correct your spelling
artistic
educational
system. In my opinion, Correct article usage
the educational
although
areas like health
and education
play a crucial role in our lives, more funds should be utilised for the promotion of arts
.
On one hand, better health
and education
will lead to a
better progress Remove the article
apply
of
the country. Change preposition
in
Development
of any Correct article usage
The development
nation
has a direct connection to its population. If people are healthy and educated, the nation
will grow faster.we should also
mention that an unhealthy masses can not enjoy the arts
so the art fundings
will be a total waste. Fix the agreement mistake
funding
Also
the
Correct article usage
apply
health
care services should take more controls
in vital moments Fix the agreement mistake
control
for example
in the time of corona
pandemic. Replace the word
the coronavirus
Health
and education
are the core components of a nation
’s growth, however
, the expenditure on these is overpayed
.
Correct your spelling
overplayed
overpaid
On the other hand
, arts
represent culture
and thoughts of the Correct article usage
the culture
nation
. People will learn about the culture of a nation
throughout
its art. Change preposition
through
Also
Add a comma
Also,
arts
will motivate people’s Fix the agreement mistake
art
thought
as it displays refreshing thoughts and ideas. Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
Further
, we can say that arts
are a kind of heritage,
and Remove the comma
apply
manifests
the past times and their Correct subject-verb agreement
manifest
life style
to Correct your spelling
lifestyle
new
generation. Add an article
a new
the new
As a result
, a large sum of the government budget should be contributed to arts
.
In conclusion, I believe that in spite of the fact that Correct article usage
the arts
health
and education
are important, arts
should not be ignored by the states as it
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
plays
a major part in the cultural system. An enormous amount of money should be invested Correct subject-verb agreement
play
on
subjects Change preposition
in
such
as arts
.Correct article usage
the arts
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. This includes having well-defined paragraphs for introduction, body (each with a clear main idea), and conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consistently introduce and conclude your essay with strong and summary statements that capture your main argument and viewpoints.
Coherence & Cohesion
In the body of your essay, each paragraph should focus on a single main point or argument. Provide supporting sentences that clarify and exemplify your point.
Task Achievement
Make sure to thoroughly address the prompt by discussing both views presented and providing your own perspective. While your essay does touch upon both views and a personal stance, deeper exploration and more balanced coverage could enhance your response.
Task Achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas further in each paragraph, ensuring that your arguments are comprehensive and fully explored. Adding more specific examples or evidence can significantly strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. Detailed examples can illustrate your points more vividly and make your arguments more convincing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example