IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Crimes and other kinds of information on the television and newspaper have bad consequences. This kind of information to be restricted to be shown in media. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#crimes #kinds #information #television #newspaper #consequences #media
I disagree everything that comes with advantages
also
 comes with disadvantages now
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 talk about news and media is
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our life it can be used for various reasons it shows what happens around the world like crimes it should be shown
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the newspaper because what people will think about
this
 situation and give them chance to act upon it
This
also
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 people to see what is the truth and what is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lie people in
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 generation can
also
 know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what is happening around the world in
Correct your spelling
conclusion
confusion
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 disagree that it should not be
stricted
Correct your spelling
restricted
of showing
Change preposition
to show
show examples
 crimes in
Correct your spelling
newspaper
newspapers
newpaper
Correct your spelling
newspaper
 and
Correct your spelling
television
telvision
Correct your spelling
television
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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structure
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are crucial for structuring your argument. Start with an introduction that paraphrases the question and presents your viewpoint. Conclude by summarizing your arguments.
coherence
Improve your essay's coherence by organizing it into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main point. Use transitional words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs to help the reader follow your argument.
task response
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, it's important to fully address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong opinion. Provide clear, specific examples to support your points.
language
Check your spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Errors can make your writing harder to understand. Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your language skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitize: To make someone less likely to feel shock or distress at scenes of cruelty or suffering by overexposure to such images.
  • Sensationalism: The use of exciting or shocking stories at the expense of accuracy, to provoke public interest or excitement.
  • Media Ethics: Principles and standards of conduct relating to the role and responsibilities of press and broadcast professionals.
  • Perception: The way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.
  • Ignorance: Lack of knowledge or information.
  • Balance in Reporting: Presenting both sides of an issue or argument to provide a fair understanding.
  • Preparedness: A state of readiness, especially for unexpected events or emergencies.
  • Social Learning Theory: A theory that suggests people learn from observing others, including the behaviors, attitudes, and outcomes of those behaviors.
  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder): A mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event.
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