IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To want extent do you agree or disagree?

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As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society advances, it is disagreed by many that criminal charges against a teen should carry the same penalty as that of an adult. Examining the fact that they are still kids under the
guidience
Correct your spelling
guidance
 of their parents without any
responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 and that their immature minds
is
Change the verb form
are
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 too young to understand the gravity of
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
 will give a comprehensive understanding of
this
Linking Words
 subject matter.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Children are still under
guidience
Correct your spelling
guidance
 and have no
sociatial
Correct your spelling
societal
social
 obligation.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Nigeria most of the teens arrested for cultism thought it was a social group they could dress up in
unifroms
Correct your spelling
uniforms
 and catch fun,
Linking Words
at
Correct word choice
but at
show examples
 the end of the day, they just wanted to go home to their parents. Clearly, they would not have
join
Change the verb form
joined
show examples
 those cult groups if they were adults because they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 know
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 not a social club.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is clear a child can not intentionally commit a
crime
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 an adult would do
otherwise
Linking Words
.
In addition
Linking Words
, their maturity is low so can not grasp the consequences of their actions.
For example
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, in Enugu state,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail time is the
penelty
Correct your spelling
penalty
 for an accident with
fatality
Add an article
a fatality
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, teens are mostly
invovled
Correct your spelling
involved
 in
this
Linking Words
 type of accident because they are ignorant,
moreover
Linking Words
, no one will want to spend time behind bars intentionally. Obviously, they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 not want jail time history if they were adults and completely
understands
Wrong verb form
understood
show examples
 the consequences of
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
.
Wherefore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, we can see that teenagers will not carelessly cause a fatal accident if they understand the outcome. In conclusion, the fact that a
teanager's
Correct your spelling
teenager's
crime
Use synonyms
 should carry the same sentence as that of an adult is an idea that has been disagreed on by many individuals. Since they are still immature so not completely aware of the gravity of their actions and they are children still under the care of their parents with
any
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
 social
responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is obvious that a child's
crime
Use synonyms
 should not carry the same punishment as that of
an
Change the article
a
show examples
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 person.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing a broader range of sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate language proficiency.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is logically connected to the overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce a wider variety of linking words and phrases to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments made.
Task Achievement
Enhance task response by providing more detailed examples, and ensure that these examples are directly relevant to the argument being made.
Task Achievement
Avoid overly generalized statements. Instead, use specific, detailed reasons and examples to support your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Age of criminal responsibility
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Brain plasticity
  • Culpability
  • Recidivism
  • Deterrence
  • Rehabilitative approach
  • Penal system
  • Capital offense
  • Minor
  • Mitigating factors
  • Precedent
  • Youthful offender
  • Heinous crime
  • Restorative justice
  • Moral compass
  • Peer influence
  • Socio-economic factors
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