IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #levels #education #schools #universities #time #facts #skills
Many people believe that throughout our education most of the time is
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on learning facts rather than acquiring practical knowledge. I completely agree with the aforementioned notion.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of
time
Correct article usage
the time
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 in our institutes, teachers emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
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acquired knowledge so
students
are memorising
Verb problem
memorise
show examples
Correct article usage
the date
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date
Fix the agreement mistake
dates
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, methods, and findings of an event. Since
this
 requires lots of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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,
students
 spend their energies on it leaving less time for practical work and entirely
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
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getting
Change preposition
on getting
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 marks in
examination
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examinations
show examples
.
For instance
, an enormous amount of educational institutes still
taught
Wrong verb form
teach
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 their
students
 Newton's laws of motion and
Einstien
Change noun form
Einstien's
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 theory of relativity,
in
Correct word choice
but in
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 day-to-day life, it is hardly utilized for productivity.
As a result
,
industry
Add an article
the industry
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 does not find human resources that could help in operations.
Conversely
, we live in a fast-paced Era, because inventions are happening on a daily basis,
syllabus
Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
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 must be updated yearly
along with
 the practical orientation of both
students
 and teachers to narrow down the gap between academia and industry.
For example
,
a
Remove the article
apply
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research shows that eighty per cent of computer science graduates are
unemployeable
Correct your spelling
unemployable
employable
 as both the course and method of teaching are redundant. So
stackholdes
Correct your spelling
stakeholders
 agree to include internships as a part of studies,
students
 are embracing themselves with practical skills.
Therefore
, in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
word
Correct your spelling
world
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 practising a skill is much more important
then
Replace the word
than
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 remembering the facts and figures. In conclusion, I entirely agree
primarily
Change the word
primary
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 focus of our education system is learning
fact
Fix the agreement mistake
facts
show examples
 as compared to practically indulging in skills.
Submitted by Haris Khan on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, if applicable, and providing a more nuanced opinion. Try to offer deeper insights and a broader range of examples to demonstrate a sophisticated understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more clearly. Consider using a wider range of linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
While your essay touches on several relevant examples, you could improve your score by incorporating more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This could involve mentioning specific studies, statistics, or theoretical grounds to add depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rote memorization
  • practical skills
  • adaptable skills
  • critical thinking
  • balanced approach
  • problem-solving
  • decision-making
  • workforce readiness
  • real-life challenges
  • technological advancements
  • information management
  • creativity hindrance
  • lifelong learning
  • skill development
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