The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause? What can be done to solve these problems?
In ancient times,
cities
were cemented on societies' sustainability for living, in contrast
to the towns
and households constructed in the present time. This
could potentially create cluster neighbourhoods
and foster an imbalance between living units and industrial development. In order
to attend such
issues it is important for Change preposition
to such
goverments
to have Correct your spelling
governments
government
a strong urban planning departments
, that could work around equitable solutions to create more suitable and livable Correct the article-noun agreement
a strong urban planning department
strong urban planning departments
cities
.
Firstly
, industrial advancement played a key role in urban planning and organization. Nowadays, is lead
by the idea of economic Wrong verb form
led
expasion
, rather than Correct your spelling
expansion
confortness
for people in general. Correct your spelling
comfortless
This
expansion of industries
would often take spaces
meant for neighbourhoods
and liveable units, and could create cluster neighbourhoods
, that reside in the same area of developing industries
, threathing
the lifestyle of surrounding people. Correct your spelling
threatening
According to
recent studies made by VOX, the suburbs and outskirts of towns
were
Correct your spelling
where
neighbourhoods
had developed for 50 years, will be impacted by the construction of massive factories surrounding the area. Prompting families to either bear this
overwhelm
feeling and contaminationChange the form of the verb
overwhelming
,
or leave the town.
Remove the comma
apply
On the other hand
, this
poor managment
in Correct your spelling
management
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
architectureChange noun form
society's
,
could lead to an imbalance between liveable Remove the comma
apply
spaces
for livinghood
, and gathering with factories or commercial Correct your spelling
living
spaces
meant with
Change preposition
for
bussiness
purposes. Correct your spelling
business
For example
, in small towns
, the growth of mining industries
had lead
to a Wrong verb form
led
disarragement
of many households that live in the same area, facing social development with an Correct your spelling
disarrangement
disparagement
economical
one.
Replace the word
economic
Furthermore
, in order
to abide
a solution Verb problem
find
for
these problems, it is important that local and national Change preposition
to
goverments stregthen
their urban planning offices, in Correct your spelling
governments strengthen
order
to create solutions to construct more sustainable and liveable cities
and towns
, for people to reside without the
feeling Correct article usage
apply
overwhelm
, amplifying the Wrong verb form
overwhelmed
spaces
for house construction in order
to evade clustering. In addition
, bussinness
must comply with societal balance, locating their headquarters in places that are not meant to be the abode of thousands of families or the construction of Correct your spelling
business
neighbourhoods
.
To conclude
, the former and ancient cities
were designed with a strong sense of balance, one that goverments
should foster in Correct your spelling
governments
government
order
to plan around cities
needs, evicting the cluster of Change noun form
cities'
city's
livinghoods
, and impractical imbalance provided by growing Correct your spelling
living-hoods
living hoods
industries
. To work around their needs is a necesity
, in Correct your spelling
necessity
order
to build strong towns
, such
as the ones depicted by our ancestors.Submitted by alejandragarciabaez.9 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While your essay does have these components, they could be more effectively structured to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on developing your main points with well-supported arguments and examples. Although you have provided examples, they would benefit from more specific details and elaboration to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make a concerted effort to address all parts of the task thoroughly. While your essay touches on the problems caused by the design of ancient cities and potential solutions, elaborating more clearly and comprehensively on these aspects will enhance your response.
task achievement
Streamline your ideas to ensure clarity and comprehensiveness. Aim for concise, well-explained points that are directly relevant to the essay question. This will help you convey your ideas more effectively and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
Employ specific and relevant examples to substantiate your arguments. While you've provided examples, they lack the specificity and direct relevance required to fully support your points. Consider using more precise and illustrative examples.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.