IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #computer #possession #household #european #country #summarise #features #comparisons
Computer
Add an article
A computer
The computer
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
possessed
Add a missing verb
is possessed
show examples
 by each family is illustrated by a line graph to show how many
computer
Change to a plural noun
computers
show examples
 are there in each
household
 in
European
Correct your spelling
Europe
show examples
 in the period of 1997 to 2001. In the
beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
,
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 without
computers
 took the highest portion in 1997 with more than 45%
Change preposition
of accomodation
show examples
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodations
had
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
no
Change preposition
with no
show examples
computers
.
However
, after that year, the amount of
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 possessed
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 declining until 2011 and reached the lowest data of under 30%.
Next,
the two and only one
computers
Change noun form
computer's
show examples
 possession are
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 the same when these both categories
were together increase
Change the verb form
together increased
show examples
. At
first,
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with 2
computers
 contained had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 percentage of
beneth
Correct your spelling
beneath
 15% but
this
number
 rapidly
jump
Wrong verb form
jumped
show examples
 up after 1997 and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
trend
Add an article
a trend
show examples
 until 2011 with a massive total portion (nearly 30%) in that year.
On the other hand
,
Add an article
the household
show examples
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
show examples
 1
computer
 only
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a worse start when there were no houses
possessed
Correct pronoun usage
that possessed
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1
computer
 until 1999, after that peak,
this
number
 slightly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
, along the
timelenghth
Correct your spelling
time length
 and in 2011
this
number
 reached 7,5% or higher.
According to
 the graph, 3 or more
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 possessed in
European
Correct your spelling
Europe
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest percentage
along
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the time period. It was 45% in 1997
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and took the highest place among the households with
computers
 applied shown in the graph. After 1997,
this
number
 is likely to fall
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a little bit
then
 go up and maintain the impressive percentage again after that.
Submitted by ngovhngoc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, household, computers, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: