IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviors #age #group #argue #peer #pressure
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In
the
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apply
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modern society, adolescents could be
maleable
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malleable
 to the personality of those in their same age gap.
While
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 many
people
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 remark
the
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on the
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 importance of
peer
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pressure
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, others may point out the downsides of
this
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 situation. In
this
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 essay, I will explain in detail why
peer
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pressure
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 could represent several disadvantages for
people
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 of young ages.
To begin
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 with,
peer
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pressure
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 could unleash
reprobable
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probable
reprobate
 behaviours in young folks, who try to adequate themselves into social standards or manners held by their social circles. Reprobable manners and hazardous
conducts
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conduct
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such
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 as using drugs or entering the realm of crime, are just a few outcomes led by
peer
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pressure
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 of certain social groups. A recent study conducted by VOX surveyed several high schools across the UK
due to
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 the sudden surge of the vaping practice.
This
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 study concluded that at least one of three students
were
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was
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 vaping in order to be recognized and included in social activities or gatherings among their classmates.
Moreover
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, the
peer
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pressure
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exert
Wrong verb form
exerted
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 by friend groups over certain
people
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 usually leads to a loss of individuality,
as well as
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 the capacity to stay true to themselves. Having a strong sense of self lays the framework for
successfull
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successful
 makers of the future. To
ushered
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be ushered
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 and obligated to adopt and mimic certain personalities that do not fit with their own values is certainly
dishartening
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disheartening
.
For example
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, many
inmmigrant
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immigrant
immigrants
 youngsters
supress
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suppress
 their accents or try to imitate their peers in order to be socially included or accepted.
To conclude
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, even though
peer
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pressure
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 puts a weight
in
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on
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people
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 of young ages to act or be a certain
ways
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way
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,
this
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 encages and labels
people
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 in boxes,
supressing
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suppressing
 their individuality.
Moreover
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, it could
also
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 signify
an
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a
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 backdoor to engage in hazardous activities. To be able to express and construct
ones'
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one's
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 personality is crucial,
specially
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especially
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 in developing stages. Advancing into eliminating
peer
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preassure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 and fostering habits of reassurance could potentiate the construct of a better society.
Submitted by alejandragarciabaez.9 on

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task response
Further elaborate on both sides of the argument by providing a more balanced view. While the disadvantages of peer pressure are well-explained, integrating advantages for a comprehensive analysis could enhance the essay's depth.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas. While the essay is mostly well-structured, transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs could improve the overall flow. Try using varied transitional phrases to link ideas.
task response
Try to support your arguments with a broader range of examples and evidences. Your illustration on vaping is pertinent, but additional diverse examples would strengthen your arguments and provide a richer insight into the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behavior
  • age group
  • peer pressure
  • distinct
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • motivate
  • excel
  • positive behaviors
  • substance abuse
  • bullying
  • risky activities
  • belonging
  • acceptance
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem
  • conform
  • individuality
  • personal growth
  • decision-making skills
  • situations
  • resist
  • healthy balance
  • personal development
What to do next:
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