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Band 7

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

#criminals #prison #method #education #job
People have different views about whether or not
criminals
 should be punished by being put into
prison
. In my opinion, it would be better if the government provided offenders with
education
 and
job
 training. It is true that putting
criminals
 in
prison
 could guarantee safety for society because those people would not be able to commit more crimes.
However
, I believe it is more disadvantageous when all offenders are forced to go to jail. The cost of running and managing prisons is often costly as the government needs to invest
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
money in facilities and security.
Furthermore
, when
criminals
 have to lose their freedom and spend years of their lives in
prison
, they could become resentful.
This
 would prevent them from being a good citizen after being released, which has a negative impact. Personally, I believe
education
 and
job
 training are the best methods that can be used to help
criminals
 become better citizens.
Firstly
,
education
 could change offenders’ attitudes in a positive way. Being educated,
criminals
 would be able to distinguish between right and wrong, and they would realise that it is unacceptable to break the law.
Secondly
,
job
 training is extremely important for
criminals
 as it helps them to achieve a normal career after completing their sentence. Many people commit crimes
due to
 their lack of money and become
criminals
such
 as burglars or robbers. Providing
job
 training would help them earn a living when coming back to society, and they would no longer have the motivation to re-offend. In conclusion, I think the government should provide
education
 and
job
 training for
criminals
 rather than send them to
prison
.
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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider including more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This would make your points more convincing and robust.
task achievement
While your ideas are largely clear, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct main idea with perhaps sub-points can improve clarity. For instance, one paragraph could focus on the financial costs of prisons and another on the psychological impact.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from slightly more varied sentence structures and linking words. This would improve the flow and readability of your writing.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your position in the introduction and supported it throughout the essay, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and you have successfully linked them to your central argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
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