IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #technology #people #viewpoints
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In modern life, technology has transformed the way that we make and keep
relationships
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. For some, these changes have been positive but others
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that they have made us more separate than before. I think that both of these views are valid but that there are more positive consequences.
Due to
Linking Words
technology
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technology,
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 we are now able to communicate instantly with
people
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 all over the world.
This
Linking Words
 communication is possible in many different
way
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ways
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for example
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, through phone calls, video calls,
emails
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email
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 messages and share photos. We can
also
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 meet new
people
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 on dating sites and chatrooms. These changes are mostly positive for many
people
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. They argue that they allow us to stay in touch with
people
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 all over the world and that our location is not as important for our
relationships
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 as in the past. The fact that we can
also
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 share information
quick
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quickly
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 and easily means that
we
Add a verb
we are
we were
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 able to know a lot more about the
people
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 that we communicate with.
However
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, there are
also
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 some disadvantages.
For
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example
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example,
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 some
people
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 spend much less time
to meet
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meeting
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people
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 in real life than they did before.
As a result
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,
people
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 are said that the
relationships
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 that we make are not as strong
due to
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 the fact that we can create a false, online
personal
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person
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 rather than get to know someone on a more personal level. It is certainly true that young
people
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 today tend to spend their time glued
with
Change preposition
to
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 their screens rather than meeting
people
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 outside. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 modern communication is largely different than it used to be. I would argue that these impacts are generally positive but that we still need to ensure that we spend time nurturing
relationships
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 with
people
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 that we know in person.
Submitted by monahhj123 on

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task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more specific details or personal experiences to better illustrate your points. This will help to enhance the relevance and depth of your argument, making your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While you've organized your essay with a clear structure, making stronger connections between your ideas could improve readability. Try using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., coordinating conjunctions, discourse markers) to link ideas and paragraphs seamlessly.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your opinion. While you did cover both sides, further exploration and unbiased representation of each perspective can strengthen your argument and fulfill the task more completely.
coherence cohesion
A more thorough conclusion that revisits the main points of discussion could provide a stronger closure to your argument. Try to succinctly sum up the arguments and reaffirm your position in a way that resonates with the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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