Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
In modern life, technology has transformed the way that we make and keep
relationships
. For some, these changes have been positive but others believed
that they have made us more separate than before. I think that both of these views are valid but that there are more positive consequences.
Wrong verb form
believe
Due to
technology
we are now able to communicate instantly with Add a comma
technology,
people
all over the world. This
communication is possible in many different way
Change to a plural noun
ways
for example
, through phone calls, video calls, emails
messages and share photos. We can Change the noun form
email
also
meet new people
on dating sites and chatrooms.
These changes are mostly positive for many people
. They argue that they allow us to stay in touch with people
all over the world and that our location is not as important for our relationships
as in the past. The fact that we can also
share information quick
and easily means that Change the word
quickly
we
able to know a lot more about the Add a verb
we are
we were
people
that we communicate with.
However
, there are also
some disadvantages. For
example
some Add a comma
example,
people
spend much less time to meet
Change the verb form
meeting
people
in real life than they did before. As a result
, people
are said that the relationships
that we make are not as strong due to
the fact that we can create a false, online personal
rather than get to know someone on a more personal level. It is certainly true that young Replace the word
person
people
today tend to spend their time glued with
their screens rather than meeting Change preposition
to
people
outside.
In conclusion, it is clear that
modern communication is largely different than it used to be. I would argue that these impacts are generally positive but that we still need to ensure that we spend time nurturing relationships
with people
that we know in person.Submitted by monahhj123 on
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task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more specific details or personal experiences to better illustrate your points. This will help to enhance the relevance and depth of your argument, making your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While you've organized your essay with a clear structure, making stronger connections between your ideas could improve readability. Try using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., coordinating conjunctions, discourse markers) to link ideas and paragraphs seamlessly.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your opinion. While you did cover both sides, further exploration and unbiased representation of each perspective can strengthen your argument and fulfill the task more completely.
coherence cohesion
A more thorough conclusion that revisits the main points of discussion could provide a stronger closure to your argument. Try to succinctly sum up the arguments and reaffirm your position in a way that resonates with the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
